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My boyfriend wants to have a sleepover with two other girls

My boyfriend and I were supposed to go to a movie next Friday, but then he suddenly said he couldn't go anymore. I asked him what he was going to do instead, but he didn't want to tell me. Eventually, the girl, he apparently was going to sleep over with, told me because she's a good friend of mine and I asked her what her plans for the weekend were. My boyfriend, that girl and another female friend of theirs (so my boyfriend and two other girls) meet up quite often. Now, I don't mind him having other female friends, but he has said some weird things about my friend.He said he thinks she's a pretty girl, he said he would sleep with her and he said he sees potential in her and that maybe they could be together someday. He also talks about her pretty often. At the same time, he says that they are just friends, but I would never say such things about my male friends. The thing is, he often ignores me on social media and then goes talking to her. It just seems like he'd rather be with her than with me and him acting this way makes me feel like I'm completely worthless to him. When I went to talk to him about the sleepover, he said he didn't want me to know because I'd get grumpy about it. I reacted sad about it and I find it very stupid of myself to have reacted that way. Now he ignores me. I don't know what to do, because he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but still talks to my friend. My question is, do I just agree with him going over there (I don't really have a choice, but imagine if) or tell him that I don't want it?

(edited 4 years ago)

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Reply 1

username2393237

Does he know that you’re his girlfriend?

Reply 2

1582

Volunteer Team

You seem very open-minded about the idea, so why did he think you'd get mad?

Him feeling the need to hide it is what is more problematic here.

Reply 3

saigemercer

Yes he does

Original post by YaliaV

Does he know that you’re his girlfriend?

Reply 4

saigemercer

He thinks that I'd get in a moodswing, so that's why he didn't want me to tell him

Original post by sinfonietta

You seem very open-minded about the idea, so why did he think you'd get mad?

Him feeling the need to hide it is what is more problematic here.

Reply 5

Andrew97

Entertainment Forum Helper, Debate & Current Affairs Helper

Tell him to upload the results to the internet.

Reply 6

saigemercer

LMAO no he wouldn't go that far

Original post by Andrew97

Tell him to upload the results to the internet.

Reply 7

1582

Volunteer Team

Original post by saigemercer

He thinks that I'd get in a moodswing, so that's why he didn't want me to tell him

Sounds more like he’s projecting his guilt here: by using how you might react as a way to justify hiding it from you.

Reply 8

R1chardZhu

I don't see the point of this relationship tho :s-smilie:

Reply 9

AzureCeleste

You sure you're dating?

If he's talking about being with another girl in the future then it suggests your relationship isn't going to last and he thinks you will break up at some point.

Reply 10

saigemercer

So what can I do about that?

Original post by sinfonietta

Sounds more like he’s projecting his guilt here: by using how you might react as a way to justify hiding it from you.

Reply 11

saigemercer

He can be very sweet too!

Original post by R1chardZhu

I don't see the point of this relationship tho :s-smilie:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Don't be a doormat. He doesn't sound very respectful about your feelings. from his behaviour and the way he talks about your friend. You feeling guilty and pressured into agreeing really shows how much he's manipulating you. Don't see this working out in the long term imo.

Reply 13

fallen_acorns

can't imagine telling my wife that I was going to sleep over at another girls house without her. I'd get a slap, and Id bloody deserve it.

The cheek of the guy. Tell him to get his act together and that sleeping alone with other girls in their place, especially ones he said he would **** before, is absolutely not on. If he wants to do that, he can go find himself another girlfriend.

Don't let your guy take the piss, or you will get cheated on sooner or later.

Reply 14

saigemercer

Original post by AzureCeleste

You sure you're dating?

If he's talking about being with another girl in the future then it suggests your relationship isn't going to last and he thinks you will break up at some point.

Yeah but he's also said to me that he wants his entire future with me so idk

Reply 15

AzureCeleste

Original post by saigemercer

Yeah but he's also said to me that he wants his entire future with me so idk

Well if he only had eyes for you then he wouldn't even consider the prospect of dating another
Everyone always say they see a future with their current person so they stay together, but clearly he doesnt

Reply 16

E.M.Smith

think honestly you need to do what's best for you, if you are constantly questioning what he is doing, I don't think it is healthy for you.

Reply 17

emwin

I don't think you should have reacted in any other way. He might think that you're overreacting, but there are some signs that you can pick up on. If he's going to spend time with another girl and he also constantly talks about her, if he postpones your plans just to have a sleepover with her, that's not a good sign. He sounds like he doesn't respect your feelings that much even though you're his girlfriend. Tell him why you feel uncomfortable about the situation and let him know sincerely and respectably. Don't fight with him about it but ask him to listen to why you feel that way. If he refuses to see your side and he says you're overreacting, tell him "I'm seeing the bigger picture, and that's what anyone else on the outside would think", so why don't you have a valid reason to feel that way? I say be honest and open, but also patient and understanding.

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

I would be absolutely furious and dump his sorry a**.You are his girlfriend and to do what he did is unforgivable.Tell him it is me or them.This isn't an open relationship and if you aren't happy being with me it is best to end things.

Reply 19

eilish1903

sounds like a bit of a bell end to me. My boyfriend doesnt even have "sleep overs" with me so if he was to cancel plans he made with me to "sleep over" with two other girls, one of which he has a clear interest in, 1. he wouldn't be my man anymore and 2. she wouldn't he my mate anymore.

there is no respect for you from either of them in this situation. Especially the girl, how's she having her "very good friends" boyfriend sleep over at her house and not even asking if you wanna come too? How is he thinking its ok to treat you like that?

if it was me, I'd cut ties with both of them, let them get on with it coz he'll end up treating her the same, spend time on me and realising my self worth and find a man who actually respects and adores me

you can do better hun