Struggling with Dad.

You are traumatised and you need to seek help and get away from him. He doesn't care because he is an abuser. He doesn't care for you.

Also, when I was 16 I did ask for help, but no one actually helped me. This was partly because I felt too guilty and secondly because 'it wasn't that bad'.
There was a police investigation but it was my word against him. I think everyone just thought I was attention seeking, but I was just terrified.

That's the thing though, I have really debilitating mental health problems. I can't live without my parents support. Even though bizarrely they refuse to acknowledge I have mental health problems.
I can't organise myself, I leave ovens, I forget to do basic things. I can't function.

I can't just label him as an abuser, it makes me feel ungrateful, he has done kind things for me. We have had nice times together. I also don't want to upset my mum. I don't want to be selfish towards her. She needs this act that my dad puts on.
When I have ever tried to talk to her about it she says 'she believes me but she believes him at the same time' OR 'your dad wouldn't do that to you' in other words she thinks it's a dilution. It's not.

You should definitely try to seek help now don’t just give up and put yourself in danger. Maybe you won’t know how much you can achieve on your own because you have always needed/relied on them for support. Maybe if you don’t work try to go for part time job see what you can do with their support but also whist finding yourself and kind of slowly believing in yourself that you can definitely survive without them or especially your dad. He has abused his position to protect you whilst under her guard, don’t feel any guilt at all cos they are your parents who are suppose to guard and protect you. It’s their duty to provide for you until you can for yourself. Don’t let the dark thoughts get you down or get in your way. I am sure you can achieve amazing things if you continue to be strong but more independent slowly. Build your confidence and have a goal.

You should definitely try to seek help now don’t just give up and put yourself in danger. Maybe you won’t know how much you can achieve on your own because you have always needed/relied on them for support. Maybe if you don’t work try to go for part time job see what you can do with their support but also whist finding yourself and kind of slowly believing in yourself that you can definitely survive without them or especially your dad. He has abused his position to protect you whilst under her guard, don’t feel any guilt at all cos they are your parents who are suppose to guard and protect you. It’s their duty to provide for you until you can for yourself. Don’t let the dark thoughts get you down or get in your way. I am sure you can achieve amazing things if you continue to be strong but more independent slowly. Build your confidence and have a goal.