Housemate is making me uncomfortable

I have two housemates, let's call one Jess (who I am very close friends with), and the other Abby (who me and Jess don't really talk to much).

For some context, a while ago Abby's boyfriend lived with us for a few months, and me and Jess had a conversation where we said if we found out Abby and her boyfriend has done sexual things in communal areas, we would be annoyed.

Fast forward to present time, Jess recently got a new boyfriend and has been telling me about all the things they've gotten up to. She told me that he fingered her on the kitchen counter.

Because we are very good friends I didn't want to have a go at her, so I was saying things like "I have to make food off of that ewww" and "oh nooo why did you do that?" in a half jokey half serious way.

Her response was that it's okay because she had her clothes on and she's wiped the counter since then. She also tried to make the point that I've been in her room and she's had sex in there lots of times, but to me that argument makes no sense because that's her own private room, whereas the kitchen is communal and we all have to cook food in there. And then she just laughed it off and moved on.

I'm quite annoyed about this because I find it quite disgusting, even if she did have clothes on. She knows my boundaries because we've had a discussion about it before like I mentioned. I know the discussion was a while ago but surely when you have housemates it's just an unwritten rule that you don't do things like that in shared areas. I've had my boyfriend in the house lots of times and I would never do that.

Do you think I'm overreacting and I should drop it, or do I bring it up to her again and seriously tell her how I feel about it? I just don't want her to get annoyed at me because we have a very close friendship.

Reply 1

SlaveofAll

Take a time apart from one another for now. That should give you more time to think how you'll deal with the matter. And then, you can talk to them in a way that won't upset them. You can say that you value cleanliness and tidiness in a room.