No friends...

Hello everyone, I am 24 years old and I started attending university two years ago. I relocated to another city to pursue my studies. I tend to be a shy person, which makes it challenging for me to form friendships. As of now, I don't have any friends. I am curious if anyone else is in the same situation. Do you also find it difficult to make friends? How do you manage it? Are you happy with your current situation? Please share your experiences, as it would help me feel less isolated.

Reply 1

justlearning1469

21

Original post by realstudent19

Hello everyone, I am 24 years old and I started attending university two years ago. I relocated to another city to pursue my studies. I tend to be a shy person, which makes it challenging for me to form friendships. As of now, I don't have any friends. I am curious if anyone else is in the same situation. Do you also find it difficult to make friends? How do you manage it? Are you happy with your current situation? Please share your experiences, as it would help me feel less isolated.

I'd say go for societies, cold approach people in lectures, cafe, flat etc.

Used to be pretty difficult for me to make friends as a kid. I eventually started growing up and tried making more friends.

Not satisfied, I have bigger ambitions in life. But if you want a huge social group, you need to put yourself out there period.

Reply 2

realstudent19

OP

5

Thanks, also if what you saic is not easy for me. Do you know other people in my situation?

Reply 3

justlearning1469

21

Original post by realstudent19

Thanks, also if what you saic is not easy for me. Do you know other people in my situation?

Many people are in that situation.

Especially men, there's been a loneliness epidemic of men, more and more men are lonely and single.

Even if your situation is bad... at least you won't be alone in it

Reply 4

realstudent19

OP

5

Original post by justlearning1469

Many people are in that situation.

Especially men, there's been a loneliness epidemic of men, more and more men are lonely and single.

Even if your situation is bad... at least you won't be alone in it

and do you know why do we struggle so much? Also do you know where I can find a community with these people, I would like to feel less lonely :')

Reply 5

Boris 2000

10

Original post by realstudent19

and do you know why do we struggle so much? Also do you know where I can find a community with these people, I would like to feel less lonely :')

I've been in this boat a long time now, I'm a guy, partly I am close to my Brother and get on well enough with my Mother. Apparently I discovered in the end a lot is down to personality type, see Myers Briggs, and you can do a free test online on, 'Human Genomics'. That said apparently a lot is down to your interests, if you hold popular interests many share say in Football or whatever then it's likely easier to get in with people, the more obscure it is the harder it may be to relate to other people. Beyond that if course people need to be aware of what you are into, if you're quiet most of the time that will likely be harder. Rnd of the day done people are just better socially and that luck of the draw, some of us just have bad luck on that front.

With Uni there are usually many clubs & societies so choose ones that chime with you and don't make you feel like you're leading a double life but perhaps are also somewhat common. You don't want to look a fraud by trying to pass yourself off as someone you're not though so kind of aim for stuff you hold done interest in. It may not make you 'friends' but socialising with others may mitigate the loneliness feeling and make you feel better and less isolated.

I know it's not easy as it kind of sucks but it's really the best you can do and hope stuff picks up along the way. If one society doesn't seem to work out try another as it can be a bit random on who people gel with, good luck.

Reply 6

justlearning1469

21

Original post by realstudent19

and do you know why do we struggle so much? Also do you know where I can find a community with these people, I would like to feel less lonely :')

Some women genuinely are ****, a good few have very high standards. So are men too.

I guess the pandemic caused a societal change, along with societal changes. Now with more women than men going to uni and boys failing in areas like education, women can now be a lot more selective.

Maybe you could join societies, even some Reddit subreddits too.

If you wish for a girlfriend, you better step up your game. Get to the gym, have hobbies (that are strong), maybe some hobbies women tend to (like dancing, modelling) if you want to meet women to seduce.

Reply 7

realstudent19

OP

5

Original post by Boris 2000

I've been in this boat a long time now, I'm a guy, partly I am close to my Brother and get on well enough with my Mother. Apparently I discovered in the end a lot is down to personality type, see Myers Briggs, and you can do a free test online on, 'Human Genomics'. That said apparently a lot is down to your interests, if you hold popular interests many share say in Football or whatever then it's likely easier to get in with people, the more obscure it is the harder it may be to relate to other people. Beyond that if course people need to be aware of what you are into, if you're quiet most of the time that will likely be harder. Rnd of the day done people are just better socially and that luck of the draw, some of us just have bad luck on that front.

With Uni there are usually many clubs & societies so choose ones that chime with you and don't make you feel like you're leading a double life but perhaps are also somewhat common. You don't want to look a fraud by trying to pass yourself off as someone you're not though so kind of aim for stuff you hold done interest in. It may not make you 'friends' but socialising with others may mitigate the loneliness feeling and make you feel better and less isolated.

I know it's not easy as it kind of sucks but it's really the best you can do and hope stuff picks up along the way. If one society doesn't seem to work out try another as it can be a bit random on who people gel with, good luck.

wow, thanks for the interesting answer. I would like to send you a pm, but I can't :frown:

.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by realstudent19

wow, thanks for the interesting answer. I would like to send you a pm, but I can't :frown:

.

Go out and play sports. You will make friends.

Reply 9

Boris 2000

10

Original post by Anonymous

Go out and play sports. You will make friends.

This is probably a good one OP, likely works best with a team sport like football so long as you get on with the other players, if they don't seem you're type try another team etc elsewhere. Since you're on a team and all (hopefully) at ease and wanting your team to succeed then it creates a natural feeling situation.

Even the gym isn't a bad one, I've found the gym rats tend to go down there all day long most days if the week. They hang out there and chat while doing it all. If you hang out there long enough then odds are you might get chatting but it will likely have to be the type of guy that spends a long time down there for them to bother with you as otherwise you're like in & out in the blink of an eye to them if you do the odd hour or so here and there. Getting a personal trainer that is in with that crowd might be an easy way in as he may introduce you along the way/happen to be around while conversation kicks off.

But yeah sports are normally a fairly easy social kickstarter.

Reply 10

Boris 2000

10

Original post by realstudent19

wow, thanks for the interesting answer. I would like to send you a pm, but I can't :frown:

.

Don't worry most important thing is to get some answers as I found out then that's better than not knowing at least and being in the dark. That alone is something, but also try above suggestions on tacking up sports, etc as no one knows where you are sat at home or whatever all day, same goes for me but I'm kind of too busy for friends atm with work and all but I know how not being good socially feels, I've had it most of my life and it's not great. I would say just find stuff to keep you busy and stuff where you might make friends but kind of just go there to be around people I guess rather than hanging on having to definitely make friends there. So kind of take it easy and be chilled about it and just enjoy whatever activity it is.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by realstudent19

Hello everyone, I am 24 years old and I started attending university two years ago. I relocated to another city to pursue my studies. I tend to be a shy person, which makes it challenging for me to form friendships. As of now, I don't have any friends. I am curious if anyone else is in the same situation. Do you also find it difficult to make friends? How do you manage it? Are you happy with your current situation? Please share your experiences, as it would help me feel less isolated.

Making friends isnt difficult. Making life long friends is difficult. But if you arent interested in the latter and just want friends. List out what you do. What are your hobbies? Do you read books? Then go to some sort of book club to socialise. Do you play a specific sport? Then mingle with so and so. But I personally disagree with the thought process of making friends over hobbies and what not. To be honest, my sincere advice that I want to give you is. Dont look for a friend, look for a wife/husband, idk ur gender. Its better to get married especially at your age where you are alone. A loved one is better than a gf/bf where the commitment is rather loose.

Reply 12

jay2013

17

Original post by realstudent19

and do you know why do we struggle so much? Also do you know where I can find a community with these people, I would like to feel less lonely :')

TSR is the community you need 🥳

Reply 13

howifeltoday

8

I turned 36 today and don't have a single friend

Joined that meetup.com

That seems useful.

Reply 14

realstudent19

OP

5

Thanks a lot for your effort!! I am thinking to go to a specialist or actually I saw online courses where they follow you and teach you how to make friends.
Would you follow a course like this?

Original post by howifeltoday

I turned 36 today and don't have a single friend

Joined that meetup.com

That seems useful.

Original post by Boris 2000

Don't worry most important thing is to get some answers as I found out then that's better than not knowing at least and being in the dark. That alone is something, but also try above suggestions on tacking up sports, etc as no one knows where you are sat at home or whatever all day, same goes for me but I'm kind of too busy for friends atm with work and all but I know how not being good socially feels, I've had it most of my life and it's not great. I would say just find stuff to keep you busy and stuff where you might make friends but kind of just go there to be around people I guess rather than hanging on having to definitely make friends there. So kind of take it easy and be chilled about it and just enjoy whatever activity it is.

Reply 15

howifeltoday

8

Original post by realstudent19

Thanks a lot for your effort!! I am thinking to go to a specialist or actually I saw online courses where they follow you and teach you how to make friends.
Would you follow a course like this?

No it's kind of a robotic way to make friends but i guess if it's focussed on building the confidence to meet people then no harm in trying

Reply 16

realstudent19

OP

5

also if it cost one thousands of dollars?

Original post by howifeltoday

No it's kind of a robotic way to make friends but i guess if it's focussed on building the confidence to meet people then no harm in trying

Reply 17

Reachme

3

Original post by realstudent19

Hello everyone, I am 24 years old and I started attending university two years ago. I relocated to another city to pursue my studies. I tend to be a shy person, which makes it challenging for me to form friendships. As of now, I don't have any friends. I am curious if anyone else is in the same situation. Do you also find it difficult to make friends? How do you manage it? Are you happy with your current situation? Please share your experiences, as it would help me feel less isolated.