My girlfriend is becoming too independent and confident?
I've been dating my girlfriend for two years now: she's beautiful, kind, smart, fun, talented, and has the whole package. My friends and family all love her. When we first started dating, she was very shy and head over heels for me but now at this point I feel like she has the upper hand in the relationship and it makes me feel insecure...
She has her masters degree and is going to start her PhD soon. I'm worried that she's going to be in school a lot and meet someone else who's more educated like her. She recently got a job that pays well into 6 figures and she's working her way up in her company. She has her own nice car, apartment, and she even buys me a lot of expensive gifts. I notice that because of this, other guys are looking at her and trying to hit on her because they want that treatment but she just brushes them off because she says she loves me. I didn't go to college (I have a trade) and I make less than her but she says it doesn't bother her because she doesn't need my money.
When we first started dating she would get jealous when other girls would try to talk to me, but now I notice she doesn't get jealous anymore. My ex tried hitting me up a few days ago and I showed her and she didn't even care. I'm worried that now her head is too big because of her accomplishments and other guys hitting on her that now she realizes her options and that she would be okay regardless if she's with me or not.
Everyone says I'm lucky to have a girl like her and I know I am, but I feel like she's too confident and independent at this point that she doesn't need me.. In the past I've dated women who made less than me/I was out of their league.. with this girl I feel like now I have to really watch what I do/say because if I mess up, she can leave me and I hate feeling that way.
Is it a red flag that she doesn't get jealous anymore when she was jealous before? Is she realizing that she can do better than me??
She has her masters degree and is going to start her PhD soon. I'm worried that she's going to be in school a lot and meet someone else who's more educated like her. She recently got a job that pays well into 6 figures and she's working her way up in her company. She has her own nice car, apartment, and she even buys me a lot of expensive gifts. I notice that because of this, other guys are looking at her and trying to hit on her because they want that treatment but she just brushes them off because she says she loves me. I didn't go to college (I have a trade) and I make less than her but she says it doesn't bother her because she doesn't need my money.
When we first started dating she would get jealous when other girls would try to talk to me, but now I notice she doesn't get jealous anymore. My ex tried hitting me up a few days ago and I showed her and she didn't even care. I'm worried that now her head is too big because of her accomplishments and other guys hitting on her that now she realizes her options and that she would be okay regardless if she's with me or not.
Everyone says I'm lucky to have a girl like her and I know I am, but I feel like she's too confident and independent at this point that she doesn't need me.. In the past I've dated women who made less than me/I was out of their league.. with this girl I feel like now I have to really watch what I do/say because if I mess up, she can leave me and I hate feeling that way.
Is it a red flag that she doesn't get jealous anymore when she was jealous before? Is she realizing that she can do better than me??
You shouldn't NEED your partner in a relationship. Co/dependency often isn't healthy. You should WANT them. And it sounds like she really wants you.
You are two separate, whole people, who chose each other to be your 'person'. Needing help/company etc from each other its fully expected, but its the want for each other that makes it all work.
Having 'the upper hand' in a relationship shouldn't be a thing, no one should have power over the other. It's not a competition to see who gets more attention from strangers or who is in a higher league. And wanting her to only be okay when she's with you is not fair on her and is an unhelpful thought for you.
Are you proud of her for her achievements? Her achievements don't make you a lesser person. She is doing what makes her happy, and I'm sure it would help both of you if you started thinking about how her achievements are positively effecting her, rather than how you think they negatively effect you - Her succeeding at something that makes her happy and she's worked hard for should only make you proud.
Her not getting jealous anymore is not a red flag, its a good sign, it means she trusts you. She trusts that you won't deceive her. This is a massively good and healthy thing, a sign that she wants you.
She brushes any advancements off, tells you she loves you, shows her love through giving you gifts, accepts and loves you for you. What else is it you want? Based on what you've written, you're feeling insecure about something that sounds extremely unlikely. You have only written good things about her and nothing that would make anyone think she's even considering anything but you.
Her confidence, growth and self earned success are things you should be mad proud of. Proud of her and proud to call her your girlfriend. You said it yourself man, she's the whole package. You've bagged a 10/10 who loves you - don't make it about you feeling inferior and wanting the 'upper hand' back, because that will be the thing that drives her away.
She clearly really wants you and really trusts you. I think it would help you to try and give some of that trust and respect back to her.
You are two separate, whole people, who chose each other to be your 'person'. Needing help/company etc from each other its fully expected, but its the want for each other that makes it all work.
Having 'the upper hand' in a relationship shouldn't be a thing, no one should have power over the other. It's not a competition to see who gets more attention from strangers or who is in a higher league. And wanting her to only be okay when she's with you is not fair on her and is an unhelpful thought for you.
Are you proud of her for her achievements? Her achievements don't make you a lesser person. She is doing what makes her happy, and I'm sure it would help both of you if you started thinking about how her achievements are positively effecting her, rather than how you think they negatively effect you - Her succeeding at something that makes her happy and she's worked hard for should only make you proud.
Her not getting jealous anymore is not a red flag, its a good sign, it means she trusts you. She trusts that you won't deceive her. This is a massively good and healthy thing, a sign that she wants you.
She brushes any advancements off, tells you she loves you, shows her love through giving you gifts, accepts and loves you for you. What else is it you want? Based on what you've written, you're feeling insecure about something that sounds extremely unlikely. You have only written good things about her and nothing that would make anyone think she's even considering anything but you.
Her confidence, growth and self earned success are things you should be mad proud of. Proud of her and proud to call her your girlfriend. You said it yourself man, she's the whole package. You've bagged a 10/10 who loves you - don't make it about you feeling inferior and wanting the 'upper hand' back, because that will be the thing that drives her away.
She clearly really wants you and really trusts you. I think it would help you to try and give some of that trust and respect back to her.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been dating my girlfriend for two years now: she's beautiful, kind, smart, fun, talented, and has the whole package. My friends and family all love her. When we first started dating, she was very shy and head over heels for me but now at this point I feel like she has the upper hand in the relationship and it makes me feel insecure...
She has her masters degree and is going to start her PhD soon. I'm worried that she's going to be in school a lot and meet someone else who's more educated like her. She recently got a job that pays well into 6 figures and she's working her way up in her company. She has her own nice car, apartment, and she even buys me a lot of expensive gifts. I notice that because of this, other guys are looking at her and trying to hit on her because they want that treatment but she just brushes them off because she says she loves me. I didn't go to college (I have a trade) and I make less than her but she says it doesn't bother her because she doesn't need my money.
When we first started dating she would get jealous when other girls would try to talk to me, but now I notice she doesn't get jealous anymore. My ex tried hitting me up a few days ago and I showed her and she didn't even care. I'm worried that now her head is too big because of her accomplishments and other guys hitting on her that now she realizes her options and that she would be okay regardless if she's with me or not.
Everyone says I'm lucky to have a girl like her and I know I am, but I feel like she's too confident and independent at this point that she doesn't need me.. In the past I've dated women who made less than me/I was out of their league.. with this girl I feel like now I have to really watch what I do/say because if I mess up, she can leave me and I hate feeling that way.
Is it a red flag that she doesn't get jealous anymore when she was jealous before? Is she realizing that she can do better than me??
She has her masters degree and is going to start her PhD soon. I'm worried that she's going to be in school a lot and meet someone else who's more educated like her. She recently got a job that pays well into 6 figures and she's working her way up in her company. She has her own nice car, apartment, and she even buys me a lot of expensive gifts. I notice that because of this, other guys are looking at her and trying to hit on her because they want that treatment but she just brushes them off because she says she loves me. I didn't go to college (I have a trade) and I make less than her but she says it doesn't bother her because she doesn't need my money.
When we first started dating she would get jealous when other girls would try to talk to me, but now I notice she doesn't get jealous anymore. My ex tried hitting me up a few days ago and I showed her and she didn't even care. I'm worried that now her head is too big because of her accomplishments and other guys hitting on her that now she realizes her options and that she would be okay regardless if she's with me or not.
Everyone says I'm lucky to have a girl like her and I know I am, but I feel like she's too confident and independent at this point that she doesn't need me.. In the past I've dated women who made less than me/I was out of their league.. with this girl I feel like now I have to really watch what I do/say because if I mess up, she can leave me and I hate feeling that way.
Is it a red flag that she doesn't get jealous anymore when she was jealous before? Is she realizing that she can do better than me??
Why worry about this now? Things have developed as they are, it will either work or it won't. If it doesn't work out at some point then just accept it if there really is no go and move on. It's pointless fretting about something you can't change. Trying to change anything or having it as an issue will only likely make things work. Better to just accept what now is and chug on with the relationship and hope it works out. Distrust and resentment can snowball and ruin a relationship so ignore your misgivings and hope for the best. There are no certainties but bringing stuff up like this with her could well likely increase the chances of it going south.
A lot of women like men who are good with their hands doing manly type of work over those that do more geeky studious stuff. I'm not saying that she will certainly stick with you but I wouldn't look at it as stuff being so against you.
What you are talking about is that the hypergamy scale has shifted towards her as she is now earning a lot more. That may be true and it may not help you but there's no certainty that she will send you as not enough for her. I would just hold fast, keep quiet about it and hope for the best if I were you.
Original post by ella__3
You shouldn't NEED your partner in a relationship. Co/dependency often isn't healthy. You should WANT them. And it sounds like she really wants you.
You are two separate, whole people, who chose each other to be your 'person'. Needing help/company etc from each other its fully expected, but its the want for each other that makes it all work.
Having 'the upper hand' in a relationship shouldn't be a thing, no one should have power over the other. It's not a competition to see who gets more attention from strangers or who is in a higher league. And wanting her to only be okay when she's with you is not fair on her and is an unhelpful thought for you.
Are you proud of her for her achievements? Her achievements don't make you a lesser person. She is doing what makes her happy, and I'm sure it would help both of you if you started thinking about how her achievements are positively effecting her, rather than how you think they negatively effect you - Her succeeding at something that makes her happy and she's worked hard for should only make you proud.
Her not getting jealous anymore is not a red flag, its a good sign, it means she trusts you. She trusts that you won't deceive her. This is a massively good and healthy thing, a sign that she wants you.
She brushes any advancements off, tells you she loves you, shows her love through giving you gifts, accepts and loves you for you. What else is it you want? Based on what you've written, you're feeling insecure about something that sounds extremely unlikely. You have only written good things about her and nothing that would make anyone think she's even considering anything but you.
Her confidence, growth and self earned success are things you should be mad proud of. Proud of her and proud to call her your girlfriend. You said it yourself man, she's the whole package. You've bagged a 10/10 who loves you - don't make it about you feeling inferior and wanting the 'upper hand' back, because that will be the thing that drives her away.
She clearly really wants you and really trusts you. I think it would help you to try and give some of that trust and respect back to her.
You are two separate, whole people, who chose each other to be your 'person'. Needing help/company etc from each other its fully expected, but its the want for each other that makes it all work.
Having 'the upper hand' in a relationship shouldn't be a thing, no one should have power over the other. It's not a competition to see who gets more attention from strangers or who is in a higher league. And wanting her to only be okay when she's with you is not fair on her and is an unhelpful thought for you.
Are you proud of her for her achievements? Her achievements don't make you a lesser person. She is doing what makes her happy, and I'm sure it would help both of you if you started thinking about how her achievements are positively effecting her, rather than how you think they negatively effect you - Her succeeding at something that makes her happy and she's worked hard for should only make you proud.
Her not getting jealous anymore is not a red flag, its a good sign, it means she trusts you. She trusts that you won't deceive her. This is a massively good and healthy thing, a sign that she wants you.
She brushes any advancements off, tells you she loves you, shows her love through giving you gifts, accepts and loves you for you. What else is it you want? Based on what you've written, you're feeling insecure about something that sounds extremely unlikely. You have only written good things about her and nothing that would make anyone think she's even considering anything but you.
Her confidence, growth and self earned success are things you should be mad proud of. Proud of her and proud to call her your girlfriend. You said it yourself man, she's the whole package. You've bagged a 10/10 who loves you - don't make it about you feeling inferior and wanting the 'upper hand' back, because that will be the thing that drives her away.
She clearly really wants you and really trusts you. I think it would help you to try and give some of that trust and respect back to her.
all this
In addition to what was said, I think you should talk and explain her your feelings.
I honestly see no problem in your relationship according to what you wrote, but because you did write it it means you see/feel there is a problem.
Try make it clear you don't blame her, also make clear that you appreciate her and admire her.... and of course love her.
I think all you mean is that she deserves someone better... why couldn't you become that someone better if you feel you need too... but again, before doing anything just talk about it.
I honestly see no problem in your relationship according to what you wrote, but because you did write it it means you see/feel there is a problem.
Try make it clear you don't blame her, also make clear that you appreciate her and admire her.... and of course love her.
I think all you mean is that she deserves someone better... why couldn't you become that someone better if you feel you need too... but again, before doing anything just talk about it.
You should be ok. Mines the opposite.
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