Is cheating always wrong?
Ok, so my gripe is that I'm in a very long term relationship, but I want to know what having sex with others is like too, and by others I mean I want to have sex with members of both genders and just really enjoy it all. I love my partner (of the opposite sex) so much and, barring this would never do anything that would hurt them. I know they wouldn't want me to do this, and it's EXTREMELY unlikely that they've ever done so, but at the same time they want me to be happy and I'm not 100% fulfilled without being sexually experimental.
I don't want to leave them, but I also don't want to continue feeling a bit chastised in a monogamous relationship. I've cheated a lot before, but in the last 6-12 months I seem to have developed a conscious and can't bring myself to do it again. When I did do it before, I used to cry about it afterwards. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and convincing myself that if they never found out and it made me happier, would it be so bad?
I don't want to leave them, but I also don't want to continue feeling a bit chastised in a monogamous relationship. I've cheated a lot before, but in the last 6-12 months I seem to have developed a conscious and can't bring myself to do it again. When I did do it before, I used to cry about it afterwards. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and convincing myself that if they never found out and it made me happier, would it be so bad?
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OP - you've already cheated several times before and now you're wanting to do it again? Seriously, why are you in a relationship?
Some people have open relationships as adults and they seem to work. Why don't you try and find someone who is more comfortable with your predilections?
(edited 9 years ago)
Of course it's wrong, you're hurting someone else you supposedly care about for your own selfish interest. Don't be in a relationship if that's your attitude towards it, cheating will just hurt people and get you a bad reputation with future partners if you tell them about it. What goes around comes around
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
OP - you've already cheated several times before and now you're wanting to do it again? Seriously, why are you in a relationship?
Because I genuinely love the person I'm with. I know people are going to come back with loads of moral BS about how loving someone means you don't do that kind of thing, but from my experience it's human nature to want to do it, and it's like an addiction. Emotionally, I don't want to be with anybody else but physically I want to explore any and every one!
Original post by Anonymous
Because I genuinely love the person I'm with. I know people are going to come back with loads of moral BS about how loving someone means you don't do that kind of thing, but from my experience it's human nature to want to do it, and it's like an addiction. Emotionally, I don't want to be with anybody else but physically I want to explore any and every one!
Just make sure you tell your partner.
You can argue your point with them and see if they agree
Original post by antipathy
You're not emotionally mature enough for a relationship.
If you want to play the field, by all means do so, but you have absolutely no respect for your current partner if you don't break up with them first.
When you get cheated on, you'll understand how it feels.
If you want to play the field, by all means do so, but you have absolutely no respect for your current partner if you don't break up with them first.
When you get cheated on, you'll understand how it feels.
Ok, I know I asked for advice but condescend much? I'm older than you probably think and have been in a relationship for longer than you probably think. I've been cheated on and yes it sucked, but it sucked a lot less before I knew it had happened, and they (different person) seemed a lot happier when it was going on. I only found out because they told me, and never would have otherwise, so I would have still been happy in the relationship, and they'd have been happy cheating. My point was that if nobody gets hurt, is it really as wrong as people make out or is it just becausenof the entrenched monogamy brought about by religion and society that it's deemed morally wrong?
Then do it.
But: The first rule is never tell him/her. Just because you did **** and weren't able to keep your mouth shut and your relationship altogether doesn't mean your partner in life has to suffer.
The second rule is go out and have fun if you want to, regret (it may happen someday), and do what you want to. You'll look back on it, I promise. Most people that I know who did this always end up regretting.
Fun fact: some don't (I never regretted cheating on my long term girlfriend, call me a bastard if you want to, I assume). But they end up losing the feelings they had for the person they were in a relationship with (personal experience).
I told you about the rules, now you can do what you believe is good.
PS: I believe your "I need it, for my physical fulfillment" is complete BS so that you can give yourself a reason to do what you want, like some drug addicts who get authorizations from doctors so that they can say "I really need it! It's my medicine so I can be a good person!".
Good luck with having fun (not being judgmental, I totally understand your need either to try things and to prove yourself you can seduce people).
But: The first rule is never tell him/her. Just because you did **** and weren't able to keep your mouth shut and your relationship altogether doesn't mean your partner in life has to suffer.
The second rule is go out and have fun if you want to, regret (it may happen someday), and do what you want to. You'll look back on it, I promise. Most people that I know who did this always end up regretting.
Fun fact: some don't (I never regretted cheating on my long term girlfriend, call me a bastard if you want to, I assume). But they end up losing the feelings they had for the person they were in a relationship with (personal experience).
I told you about the rules, now you can do what you believe is good.
PS: I believe your "I need it, for my physical fulfillment" is complete BS so that you can give yourself a reason to do what you want, like some drug addicts who get authorizations from doctors so that they can say "I really need it! It's my medicine so I can be a good person!".
Good luck with having fun (not being judgmental, I totally understand your need either to try things and to prove yourself you can seduce people).
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Ok, so my gripe is that I'm in a very long term relationship, but I want to know what having sex with others is like too, and by others I mean I want to have sex with members of both genders and just really enjoy it all. I love my partner (of the opposite sex) so much and, barring this would never do anything that would hurt them. I know they wouldn't want me to do this, and it's EXTREMELY unlikely that they've ever done so, but at the same time they want me to be happy and I'm not 100% fulfilled without being sexually experimental.
I don't want to leave them, but I also don't want to continue feeling a bit chastised in a monogamous relationship. I've cheated a lot before, but in the last 6-12 months I seem to have developed a conscious and can't bring myself to do it again. When I did do it before, I used to cry about it afterwards. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and convincing myself that if they never found out and it made me happier, would it be so bad?
I don't want to leave them, but I also don't want to continue feeling a bit chastised in a monogamous relationship. I've cheated a lot before, but in the last 6-12 months I seem to have developed a conscious and can't bring myself to do it again. When I did do it before, I used to cry about it afterwards. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and convincing myself that if they never found out and it made me happier, would it be so bad?
That's exactly the problem us guys face. We have this fear that someone we love is going to cheat on us and break our hearts.
Sorry to be harsh but this is the same attitude which drives good guys like me away. And then we hear the age-old question "Where are all the good guys?". The answer is "They're hiding."
yes, its wrong.
If your partner is ok with it, i.e. an open relationship then it's fine. But then again that isn't defined as cheating.
This is cheating, you know it will hurt your boyfriend but you don't care enough. He deserves better than you. (I agree with all the assumptions that you seem like a girl)
This is cheating, you know it will hurt your boyfriend but you don't care enough. He deserves better than you. (I agree with all the assumptions that you seem like a girl)
Why do girls like this get in relationships? BE LOYAL, and stop wanting every guy's dick.
Original post by Anonymous
Because I genuinely love the person I'm with. I know people are going to come back with loads of moral BS about how loving someone means you don't do that kind of thing, but from my experience it's human nature to want to do it, and it's like an addiction. Emotionally, I don't want to be with anybody else but physically I want to explore any and every one!
No, you dont genuinely love this person because if you did, you wouldnt want to hurt them.
why don't you tell them? Oh wait, because they'll be hurt and leave you?
You are more worried about yourself and her/him dumping you, hence why you do it behind closed doors.
I think you are incredibly selfish. Its only an addiction if you let it be. Think twice before you do anything...
If you want to be experimental or whatever BS, then don't be in a relationship.
Cheating is wrong and unacceptable. If you love screwing around with other people, then at least dump your current partner.
Yes, it is a betrayal of trust and selfish for you to do something you know would hurt your partner, even more so because you believe they have always been loyal to you, are you seriously saying you wouldn't mind if you found out they had slept with multiple other people behind your back?! Either break up with them, or ask for an open relationship, but don't keep going behind their back, that's not what you do when you love someone IMO.
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Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Ok, so my gripe is that I'm in a very long term relationship, but I want to know what having sex with others is like too, and by others I mean I want to have sex with members of both genders and just really enjoy it all. I love my partner (of the opposite sex) so much and, barring this would never do anything that would hurt them. I know they wouldn't want me to do this, and it's EXTREMELY unlikely that they've ever done so, but at the same time they want me to be happy and I'm not 100% fulfilled without being sexually experimental.
I don't want to leave them, but I also don't want to continue feeling a bit chastised in a monogamous relationship. I've cheated a lot before, but in the last 6-12 months I seem to have developed a conscious and can't bring myself to do it again. When I did do it before, I used to cry about it afterwards. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and convincing myself that if they never found out and it made me happier, would it be so bad?
I don't want to leave them, but I also don't want to continue feeling a bit chastised in a monogamous relationship. I've cheated a lot before, but in the last 6-12 months I seem to have developed a conscious and can't bring myself to do it again. When I did do it before, I used to cry about it afterwards. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and convincing myself that if they never found out and it made me happier, would it be so bad?
Out of curiosity, how would you feel if your partner cheated on you?
I would be hurt if someone cheated on me. This sympathy and respect for my partner would be the reason I wouldn't cheat on others. I wouldn't want them to know that sort of pain
Going around having stringless sex with anyone while you're single, fair enough, nothing wrong there
Forming a relationship, and THEN going around having stringless sex would make you a bitch
I would question why you would need a relationship in the first place as opposed to one night stands/friends with benefits. chances are less people would get hurt emotionally that way
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Because I genuinely love the person I'm with. I know people are going to come back with loads of moral BS about how loving someone means you don't do that kind of thing, but from my experience it's human nature to want to do it, and it's like an addiction. Emotionally, I don't want to be with anybody else but physically I want to explore any and every one!
Well break up with her and just sleep around? It's, like someone else said, wanting your cake and eating it. You can't be selfish like that wanting everything revolving around you. If you try to cheat it'll crash down on you and rightfully so. Most people in a committed relationship make that sacrifice. I've been with the girl I lost my virginity too, and yes I kind of wish I didn't commit to early because I will never experience the whole one night stand, pulling thing but hey. I love her and because I love her I don't cheat on it.
TL;DR - Stop being selfish.
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