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my dad's death? Leaving my mom heavily triggered?

My mom had held how my dad died for years a secret until a little over a year ago when I was 19 going on 20 he had died 20 years before. I thought when she told me the reason she had held it a secret was because she knew he had died from someone, a man, he was having an encounter with or whatever and for some reason didn't want to admit it. my mom and he weren't together at the time. Anyhow last week she was talking to her sister because her sister had spoken to my cousin on my dad's side about speculations that my dad was murdered and robbed by his cousin. My mom said something about it and gives her own opinion on the matter. She says she thinks her nephew's fate will be the same, insinuating it was due to a death bar related. im confused because I thought everyone knew and from what I heard it was quite obvious. He died in a closet so the message was pretty clear to me. When I point this out I thought that it was common knowledge but apparently she tells me that she only knew about this detail because somebody at the funeral said some inappropriate stuff about his death and that none of her family knew about this. Anyhow I thought it was common knowledge. But I think it just mentally damaged her when I explained how it seemed obvious how he died. Because she honestly seemed to be happy not knowing but I didn't know she didn't put all the obvious information known together. Now she won't stop talking about it. And keeps ranting about how she hates men in general. And seems upset at herself for being attracted to someone who may have been bi or homosexual. I mean it's been about 3 days now and that was almost 22 years ago. She's been getting drunk all weekend and can't seem to cope that well... I've never seen her like this before. I didn't think it was a big deal. she really has been negative and it's like I negatively impacted my mom, but I don't really know how to make matters better for her. Advice? I wish I could take back what I said. It wasn't that big of a deal to me. What can I do to make matters better?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

Lúcio

With respect, you're likely to get more/better replies to this if you structure your post well and ramble a little less.

I understand this may be an emotionally distressing event for you, but people can't help you efficiently if your posts aren't structured in to paragraphs with the use of commas :smile:

Reply 2

Nickierose21

Original post by Lúcio

It's not I never knew the guy. And good excuse.

Reply 3

Rorschach II

Original post by Nickierose21

It's not I never knew the guy. And good excuse.

The person who replied genuinely had a point. It's hard to understand what you meant or were trying to say.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

Nickierose21

Original post by XcitingStuart

The person who replied genuinely had a point. It's hard to understand what you meant or were trying to say.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Ok if you want details you get them. Seriously I didn't want to talk about it in detail because some people freak out about it. But since you asked for it here you go.

My dad was found in a closet upside down nude strangled by a wire. He was Very strong in the navy. And the assailant was likely male. There was no sign of break in or anything stolen. My mom said the detectives were interested in the use of condoms with her and my dad had said in the past to my mom something about sexual interest in gay sex. Authorities did not seem to care or want to investigate case and Anyone can kind of know why considering it was a long time ago. My mom used to say it was a midterm and to some it may because most of the information that I just shared only a few people knew. But to me it seemed pretty obvious to me. I thought that everyone knew since it was on the news. Plus my mom's relatives would act really like it was a comical situation.

My mom recently had a conversation with her sister about his murder. Her sister said she spoke to his cousin who said he was myrdered by his cousin and robbed. My mom retorts and says it's unlikely because he was found nude.

She tells me the conversation she had with her sister. And says she thinks his death was bar related(he lived above a bar) and that her nephew would have a similar fate. Because he lives a similar lifestyle. Then I said it didn't seem so because he was found in a closet.

That's when things unravelled. Because it all kind of explained everything in itself. And that's wgen my mom kind of unravelled mentally from there. Because it was pretty obvious.

And now I'm regretting I said anything. Because I didn't know it would bother her that much she wasn't even married to him. But now she's drinking and all angry about something that happened almost 22 years ago.