Is my bf even attracted to me?
He has had 3 sexual partners before and I've been a virgin by choice. I really do love my bf and I've no doubt he loves me. I want to lose my virginity to him, but everytime we've been together naked he's found it hard to get erect. He does get erect when we just hug or in situations where we can't actually have sex. But everytime we're about to have sex, he's just soft. He assures me He finds me attentive and this is more embarrassing for him, but...
It isnt that he isn't attracted to you. He's most likely just feeling anxious.
The best thing you can do in this situation is try to be understanding and supportive rather than making it about yourself.
The best thing you can do in this situation is try to be understanding and supportive rather than making it about yourself.
Original post by 1582
It isnt that he isn't attracted to you. He's most likely just feeling anxious.
The best thing you can do in this situation is try to be understanding and supportive rather than making it about yourself.
The best thing you can do in this situation is try to be understanding and supportive rather than making it about yourself.
I really have been, and I assured him its not an issue at all. But everytime it repeats, quite understandably, it does put doubts in my head. Is there anything I can do to help him?
Original post by Anonymous
He has had 3 sexual partners before and I've been a virgin by choice. I really do love my bf and I've no doubt he loves me. I want to lose my virginity to him, but everytime we've been together naked he's found it hard to get erect. He does get erect when we just hug or in situations where we can't actually have sex. But everytime we're about to have sex, he's just soft. He assures me He finds me attentive and this is more embarrassing for him, but...
he is probably really stressed, or sometimes the moment just passes... and it's difficult to get erect even though, in his head, he may still want to have sex with you...
try to talk to him about it, communication is key, try to comfort him also because he probably feels bad and embarrassed about it...
just because he has had partners previously doesn't mean the same problem didn't happen!
Hope this helps
Original post by Anonymous
he is probably really stressed, or sometimes the moment just passes... and it's difficult to get erect even though, in his head, he may still want to have sex with you...
try to talk to him about it, communication is key, try to comfort him also because he probably feels bad and embarrassed about it...
just because he has had partners previously doesn't mean the same problem didn't happen!
Hope this helps
try to talk to him about it, communication is key, try to comfort him also because he probably feels bad and embarrassed about it...
just because he has had partners previously doesn't mean the same problem didn't happen!
Hope this helps
Thank you ❤. Is there anything I can do to help him overcome it?
Original post by Anonymous
No
Oh
Its performance anxiety, look it up on Google. A lot will be in his head, instead of focusing on sex, just think about spending more time with foreplay and spending intimate time together, eventually he'll work past it and you'll both flourish.
Although you're making losing your virginity a special thing (and I suppose it is since you've been waiting), don't make it out to him it is, let it naturally happen. He'll put so much pressure on himself to make sure it goes perfectly for you that it's affecting his performance.
I'm sure he does love and care about you and find you attractive, especially if he is complimentary about you and still have fun times. If he does still, continue to have issues, he can speak with a doctor. But I'd just chill back yourself and let him feel safe and vulnerable to have these problems and to be able to speak about them with you... it'll definitely put your attractiveness level up
Edit: whatever you do, do NOT sigh, or feel let down when he gets/is soft, that happens to a LOT of people and it'll just make him feel worse and continue the cycle.
Although you're making losing your virginity a special thing (and I suppose it is since you've been waiting), don't make it out to him it is, let it naturally happen. He'll put so much pressure on himself to make sure it goes perfectly for you that it's affecting his performance.
I'm sure he does love and care about you and find you attractive, especially if he is complimentary about you and still have fun times. If he does still, continue to have issues, he can speak with a doctor. But I'd just chill back yourself and let him feel safe and vulnerable to have these problems and to be able to speak about them with you... it'll definitely put your attractiveness level up
Edit: whatever you do, do NOT sigh, or feel let down when he gets/is soft, that happens to a LOT of people and it'll just make him feel worse and continue the cycle.
(edited 2 years ago)
Yeah performance anxiety and imo @Cy33 is right the dude is building this up to be a giant event when the natural course of events should take place and flow along. This is not fun for him so if u can find some way to de-intensify his anxiety then it will help. Be seductive rub urself over him and say nice things but put no pressure on him. All power is in ur hands and u can use it wisely and carefully. Coz the quality of this xperience is not in his hands it's 100pc in urs and u r responsible coz of the way he feels about it. U will need to take the lead.
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