staying a virgin until marriage..
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what if your husband is **** in bed?
thats you for 30/40 years
nonetheless good luck
thats you for 30/40 years
nonetheless good luck
ourlastmemory
Personally I think it's sacrificing a really intimate and valuable part of a relationship for a sort of abstract and intangible reason.
^ Absolutely.
I think it's great when people uphold sex as something to be shared between two people who love each other, as an outpouring of affection and an amazing way to be intimate and have fun exclusively with each other. This, as opposed to having sex with whoever you fancy just for the physical fun of it.
I used to want to save sex for marriage, but I changed my mind because I realised I was doing it for some delusional reasons...
So please don't fall into the delusion of thinking that the 'specialness' of sex is dependent on 1) how many times you've done it before and/or 2) how many people you've done it with before. Because this isn't true. It's about the intention you and your partner enter into sexual intimacy with. Some of the best and most romantic sex someone has is really, not very likely to be their first time!
Anonymous
I was just wondering if anyone here IS saving or HAS saved themselves for marriage? And whether it had positive or negative effects on your relationship?
Probably the wrong site to ask this, not many will be in relationships that serious and even less likely to be married.
I certainly did not save myself for marriage. I dated my boyfriend for 7 months before we had sex, and to be honest, I thought it'd be a huge thing for me too - and even worried I'll turn into one of those girls who emotionally cling onto their 'first'. But really, afterwards I just felt completely normal. I still loved him, I still wanted to be with him... nothing has changed.
I'm a girl and I will honestly say now I wouldn't wait until marriage for a guy. Sex is a part of any healthy relationship and compatibility in that department is important too.
Ooh, and two more things to add...
People who aren't virgins are not 'used goods' or any other similar euphemism. They're people who have (for whatever reason -could one of the most romantic and caring, thoughtful people you know) done sexual things, and it doesn't mean they're worth less, ruined, or not as desirable as people who haven't had sex. And it does not mean that they can't have just as (or even more!) meaningful, romantic, loving sex as virgins.
And purity... is a vague and equivocal concept. You're not dirty once you've had sex, and I resent those (very often religious) ones who will condemn unmarried non-virgins as being disgusting and filthy; having done something worthy of shame. -Rubbish. If you can be in a relationship, have sexual intimacy with a good intention, truly care and love your partner then you have not 'lost' something, you haven't cheapened yourself. I think you can hold your head high
.
People who aren't virgins are not 'used goods' or any other similar euphemism. They're people who have (for whatever reason -could one of the most romantic and caring, thoughtful people you know) done sexual things, and it doesn't mean they're worth less, ruined, or not as desirable as people who haven't had sex. And it does not mean that they can't have just as (or even more!) meaningful, romantic, loving sex as virgins.
And purity... is a vague and equivocal concept. You're not dirty once you've had sex, and I resent those (very often religious) ones who will condemn unmarried non-virgins as being disgusting and filthy; having done something worthy of shame. -Rubbish. If you can be in a relationship, have sexual intimacy with a good intention, truly care and love your partner then you have not 'lost' something, you haven't cheapened yourself. I think you can hold your head high
.
Straightpath
If your gonna go through and stick to this aspect of your religion and remain a virgin until marriage, then why on earth are you socialising with guys and getting drunk, which I presume are also against your religion?
no..like i said my decision isn't based entirely on my religious beliefs - why should I live a different life to others? I still dress, look and act in a way thats considered 'normal' in society - I don't see why this decision I've made should have an effect on these other aspects of my life??
missbrowneyes
You can't just say that the respect people talk about is imaginary.
I think you're generalising too much- maybe you're talking about yourself or your friends and not the general male population. People's views towards sex before marriage are different and whether or not a guy will respect a girl more for saving herself depends on that person, but my experience contrasts directly to yours- all my friends plan to save themselves for marriage, and the majority of them are doing it, not for religious reasons, but because they want the guy to respect them.
Anyway OP...good on you, its hard to do esp if youve got loads of 'offers' lol
I think you're generalising too much- maybe you're talking about yourself or your friends and not the general male population. People's views towards sex before marriage are different and whether or not a guy will respect a girl more for saving herself depends on that person, but my experience contrasts directly to yours- all my friends plan to save themselves for marriage, and the majority of them are doing it, not for religious reasons, but because they want the guy to respect them.
Anyway OP...good on you, its hard to do esp if youve got loads of 'offers' lol
That sort of implies that women who have sex with their partners before marriage have partners who don't respect them because of this? Not sure about you but I'm with my boyfriend and we have a mutual respect anyway sexual and not. The respect excuse is a bit lame. A good guy will respect you no matter what, there's no more respect for a person who gives themselves than a person who keeps their virginity.
I do respect your opinions but I don't agree with them.
I am of the opinion that you need to know whether or not you ''match'' in every way before you get married. If you don't do this, then you may be in an unhappy marriage.
I am of the opinion that you need to know whether or not you ''match'' in every way before you get married. If you don't do this, then you may be in an unhappy marriage.
ormaybeitsjustnarcissism
[B[Read On Chesil Beach and be very careful when it does come to your wedding...
Are you not worried the pain will spoil it or it won't be as good as you hoped?
I know someone trying it for the sake of this girl (who he isn't even dating yet
) so we'll see how that goes.Wasn't this more about the implied sexual abuse Florence suffered during her youth?
undisclosed?
Wasn't this more about the implied sexual abuse Florence suffered during her youth?
Was it? Only read it once a year ago. I just remember the excruciating awkwardness of all of their contact.
Well done you!
I have to admit it's probably going to be hard, as so many people are hard wired nowadays to expect instant gratification. There are a lot of understanding men out there though, so good luck finding one!
I have to admit it's probably going to be hard, as so many people are hard wired nowadays to expect instant gratification. There are a lot of understanding men out there though, so good luck finding one!
lol but your all kids on here. im 24, attractive, educated, smart and used to have the same beliefs as you. i met many of the following guys
1) mr ex-playa who despite who*ing the field, wants a 'nice' girl to settle with and thinks he deserves you. he plays around yet looks down on women doing the same.
2)mr nice good guy who respects your beliefs but expects you to get into a serious relationship and/or proposes within 3 months
3)mr lets-pretend who will pretend to agree with your beliefs until h he gains your emotions and trust, then puts the moves on you and/or threatens to dump you unless you put out, once he's sure you are too emotionally involved to turn him down without getting really hurt
4)mr bit-on-the-side...he agrees and respects your beliefs, towing the panty line like the perfect gent, dating you for months until YOU are ready. with one catch - he's getting it good on the side quietly with your friend jenny, your sis and the girl from teh next dorm.
5)mr really weird-insecure, the guy with weird personality quirks or eczema or somethig unusual which has made him too inhibited to have sex. he pretends to be all moral and good until wham you find out he's a 30 y/o virgin due to massive c*ck eating scabies he was too scared to show anyone. you get the idea
i find most guys are no 3 or 4 and most good guys (1) will want to marry you without really knowing you. trust, you are setting yourself up for a long lonely path. most guys will cheat on you or dump you . how old do you realistically expect to be when you get married? 20 - 25? well, how many guys of the same age want to settle down and think you are the best girl they will meet when they have all those oat sowing years ahead of them. they cant even afford to pay off theier student loan, how will they afford to pay off a £10k white wedding plus honeymoon plus start paying mortgage and babies?
plus if you dont have SBM then you wont be cohabiting before marriage which is a whole other can of worms....
1) mr ex-playa who despite who*ing the field, wants a 'nice' girl to settle with and thinks he deserves you. he plays around yet looks down on women doing the same.
2)mr nice good guy who respects your beliefs but expects you to get into a serious relationship and/or proposes within 3 months
3)mr lets-pretend who will pretend to agree with your beliefs until h he gains your emotions and trust, then puts the moves on you and/or threatens to dump you unless you put out, once he's sure you are too emotionally involved to turn him down without getting really hurt
4)mr bit-on-the-side...he agrees and respects your beliefs, towing the panty line like the perfect gent, dating you for months until YOU are ready. with one catch - he's getting it good on the side quietly with your friend jenny, your sis and the girl from teh next dorm.
5)mr really weird-insecure, the guy with weird personality quirks or eczema or somethig unusual which has made him too inhibited to have sex. he pretends to be all moral and good until wham you find out he's a 30 y/o virgin due to massive c*ck eating scabies he was too scared to show anyone. you get the idea
i find most guys are no 3 or 4 and most good guys (1) will want to marry you without really knowing you. trust, you are setting yourself up for a long lonely path. most guys will cheat on you or dump you . how old do you realistically expect to be when you get married? 20 - 25? well, how many guys of the same age want to settle down and think you are the best girl they will meet when they have all those oat sowing years ahead of them. they cant even afford to pay off theier student loan, how will they afford to pay off a £10k white wedding plus honeymoon plus start paying mortgage and babies?
plus if you dont have SBM then you wont be cohabiting before marriage which is a whole other can of worms....
Anonymous
Only recently have I decided to do this - when I was younger I had no problem with the idea of having pre-marital sex or even children out of wedlock - but now I'm mid-teens my views on the subject have grown pretty strong
My reasons behind this decision aren't solely based on religious reasons - also as a result of conversations with my ill grandad - who I'm determined to keep my promise to - in remaining a virgin until I'm a married woman - and finally I also see it as a challenge for myself - and any potential 'husband to be' - if he respects me enough and if i respect myself enough then I'll be pleased in keeping my promise
in terms of peer pressure, most people I know are under the false belief that I've had sex already - I still get drunk, go out, mix with lads - some who are considerably older than me - perhaps why people believe I've had sex already!
This is one of the reasons I think I'll be so proud when I lose my virginity on my wedding night - the fact that I've (without sounding full of myself) - had offers from many men and been able to say no and turn them down
Basically- enough of the rambling background info
– I was just wondering if anyone here IS saving or HAS saved themselves for marriage? And whether it had positive or negative effects on your relationship?
My reasons behind this decision aren't solely based on religious reasons - also as a result of conversations with my ill grandad - who I'm determined to keep my promise to - in remaining a virgin until I'm a married woman - and finally I also see it as a challenge for myself - and any potential 'husband to be' - if he respects me enough and if i respect myself enough then I'll be pleased in keeping my promise
in terms of peer pressure, most people I know are under the false belief that I've had sex already - I still get drunk, go out, mix with lads - some who are considerably older than me - perhaps why people believe I've had sex already!
This is one of the reasons I think I'll be so proud when I lose my virginity on my wedding night - the fact that I've (without sounding full of myself) - had offers from many men and been able to say no and turn them down
Basically- enough of the rambling background info
– I was just wondering if anyone here IS saving or HAS saved themselves for marriage? And whether it had positive or negative effects on your relationship?Before you make a rash decisions - read:
The Purity Myth: How America's obsession with virginity is hurting young women. By Jessica Valenti.
Its arguments also apply to the UK. A lot of the ideas behind the current abstinence movement (and from what I have read in your post) seem to equate saving yourself for marriage, and therefore supposedly remaining 'pure' with morality. Simply doing this and 'saving' yourself does not autmatically make you a good moral person as you seem to think it will.
What if you turn out to be completely incompatible sexually?
Just read the book.
shinytoy
lol but your all kids on here. im 24, attractive, educated, smart and used to have the same beliefs as you. i met many of the following guys
1) mr ex-playa who despite who*ing the field, wants a 'nice' girl to settle with and thinks he deserves you. he plays around yet looks down on women doing the same.
2)mr nice good guy who respects your beliefs but expects you to get into a serious relationship and/or proposes within 3 months
3)mr lets-pretend who will pretend to agree with your beliefs until h he gains your emotions and trust, then puts the moves on you and/or threatens to dump you unless you put out, once he's sure you are too emotionally involved to turn him down without getting really hurt
4)mr bit-on-the-side...he agrees and respects your beliefs, towing the panty line like the perfect gent, dating you for months until YOU are ready. with one catch - he's getting it good on the side quietly with your friend jenny, your sis and the girl from teh next dorm.
5)mr really weird-insecure, the guy with weird personality quirks or eczema or somethig unusual which has made him too inhibited to have sex. he pretends to be all moral and good until wham you find out he's a 30 y/o virgin due to massive c*ck eating scabies he was too scared to show anyone. you get the idea
i find most guys are no 3 or 4 and most good guys (1) will want to marry you without really knowing you. trust, you are setting yourself up for a long lonely path. most guys will cheat on you or dump you . how old do you realistically expect to be when you get married? 20 - 25? well, how many guys of the same age want to settle down and think you are the best girl they will meet when they have all those oat sowing years ahead of them. they cant even afford to pay off theier student loan, how will they afford to pay off a £10k white wedding plus honeymoon plus start paying mortgage and babies?
plus if you dont have SBM then you wont be cohabiting before marriage which is a whole other can of worms....
1) mr ex-playa who despite who*ing the field, wants a 'nice' girl to settle with and thinks he deserves you. he plays around yet looks down on women doing the same.
2)mr nice good guy who respects your beliefs but expects you to get into a serious relationship and/or proposes within 3 months
3)mr lets-pretend who will pretend to agree with your beliefs until h he gains your emotions and trust, then puts the moves on you and/or threatens to dump you unless you put out, once he's sure you are too emotionally involved to turn him down without getting really hurt
4)mr bit-on-the-side...he agrees and respects your beliefs, towing the panty line like the perfect gent, dating you for months until YOU are ready. with one catch - he's getting it good on the side quietly with your friend jenny, your sis and the girl from teh next dorm.
5)mr really weird-insecure, the guy with weird personality quirks or eczema or somethig unusual which has made him too inhibited to have sex. he pretends to be all moral and good until wham you find out he's a 30 y/o virgin due to massive c*ck eating scabies he was too scared to show anyone. you get the idea
i find most guys are no 3 or 4 and most good guys (1) will want to marry you without really knowing you. trust, you are setting yourself up for a long lonely path. most guys will cheat on you or dump you . how old do you realistically expect to be when you get married? 20 - 25? well, how many guys of the same age want to settle down and think you are the best girl they will meet when they have all those oat sowing years ahead of them. they cant even afford to pay off theier student loan, how will they afford to pay off a £10k white wedding plus honeymoon plus start paying mortgage and babies?
plus if you dont have SBM then you wont be cohabiting before marriage which is a whole other can of worms....
I may actually be one of those rare people who don't want a massive wedding - and besides what's wrong with not living together before marriage? my parents did it - they're still happily married 20+ years later
when you consider this though - in response to everyone else on here who have been criticising my decision - perhaps I want to stay a virgin until I'm married because my parents, grandparents and so-on have done it.
I guess it is down to the environment you're brought up in and the beliefs you're taught..
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