I feel like **** at uni; are these people even my friends?
Scroll to see replies
I experienced something similar to this at the beginning of sixth form and everyone already made their social groups within the first few days because a lot of them went to the same high school and it was quite difficult to meet new people. However, I cut that person (who I thought was my friend) out of my life and I started to talk to other people and now I made better friends! I also tried to go to people who didn't have large social groups so it wouldn't that awkward. Try to talk to many people as you can and then you can decide who you want to hang around with 
This kind of thing happens when you start uni unfortunately - you think you're really good friends with someone but it turns out you weren't. The basis of the early friendships at uni is that you're all in the same boat, starting at a new place not knowing anyone, but that can't sustain a friendship for very long - there has to be something else there too. Out of all the people I met in Fresher's week itself, I only still talk to one of them who is one of my best friends, but that's about it.
Stop focussing on your friendship with this girl and try and get to know other people. It's easier said than done, but if you just go up and talk to people who look friendly, you'll have a good chance of doing that. Group work shouldn't be an issue as lecturers understand that someone might not be able to find a group and will put you in one themselves - we actually have an online sign-up for group work so if you don't know anyone, you can choose a topic you like and other people will do the same. When it comes to making friends outside of the course, societies or sports teams are a good place to start. Don't worry, there will be people at uni that you click with, you just haven't found them yet and you've still got plenty of time - just because Fresher's week is over it doesn't mean you can't make new friends, I make them all the time at uni and I'm in 4th year!
Stop focussing on your friendship with this girl and try and get to know other people. It's easier said than done, but if you just go up and talk to people who look friendly, you'll have a good chance of doing that. Group work shouldn't be an issue as lecturers understand that someone might not be able to find a group and will put you in one themselves - we actually have an online sign-up for group work so if you don't know anyone, you can choose a topic you like and other people will do the same. When it comes to making friends outside of the course, societies or sports teams are a good place to start. Don't worry, there will be people at uni that you click with, you just haven't found them yet and you've still got plenty of time - just because Fresher's week is over it doesn't mean you can't make new friends, I make them all the time at uni and I'm in 4th year!
Original post by icup12
Where do I start?
When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.
This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!
I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...
Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.
Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.
This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!
I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...
Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.
Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
They seem like typical shallow teenagers who you'd be better off without. Perhaps you should try approaching some other people on your course and distance yourself from them.
You say you had depression before coming up to Uni. Did you have therapy then?
If you did you should start it again, if not you should seek professional help. There is no shame in seeking help for depression, it is an illness like any other. You would get treatment for a heart problem, right? So why not an illness of the mind?
Saying you might not deserve to have friends is a very telling comment. It suggests massively low self esteem caused by this social anxiety. And of course the anxiety feeds on itself, and thus repels people. It is a vicious circle.
You need to work on techniques for becoming at peace with yourself, increasing your feelings of self worth and your confidence. It is doable, but you can't do it on your own IMO, or it is very hard. Get some psychiatric help. You don't have to tell anyone if you find it shaming (there is still a stigma sadly), but if you can work on this you will find your life transformed.
And friends will be a by product. These shallow unpleasant people have behaved appallingly. But they are probably too immature to know of the damage they are causing you.
Oh and ignore the people on here telling you to man up. They should try telling a potential suicide to "man up." That would work just as well. Sigh.
If you did you should start it again, if not you should seek professional help. There is no shame in seeking help for depression, it is an illness like any other. You would get treatment for a heart problem, right? So why not an illness of the mind?
Saying you might not deserve to have friends is a very telling comment. It suggests massively low self esteem caused by this social anxiety. And of course the anxiety feeds on itself, and thus repels people. It is a vicious circle.
You need to work on techniques for becoming at peace with yourself, increasing your feelings of self worth and your confidence. It is doable, but you can't do it on your own IMO, or it is very hard. Get some psychiatric help. You don't have to tell anyone if you find it shaming (there is still a stigma sadly), but if you can work on this you will find your life transformed.
And friends will be a by product. These shallow unpleasant people have behaved appallingly. But they are probably too immature to know of the damage they are causing you.
Oh and ignore the people on here telling you to man up. They should try telling a potential suicide to "man up." That would work just as well. Sigh.
I'm sorry you are in this situation, but I'm sorry they are in this situation too. It sounds like you are just not compatible and it would have been best if you had never met. You'll just have to start over trying to make new friends who can accept you the way you are. Like someone else said, look for other people who are not in a group. You may have more in common with them.
If we all just assumed people hated us every time they didn't notice us in the street no-one would have any friends.
If you look for imaginary slights, you will find them everywhere.
"OMG why do I always have to be the one to initiate everything" - says everyone in the world as they sit in their room by themselves.
If you look for imaginary slights, you will find them everywhere.
"OMG why do I always have to be the one to initiate everything" - says everyone in the world as they sit in their room by themselves.
It's not just her, it's also the group in my course I'm friends with (we have our little group). I didn't seek professional help because I know they won't do anything. They just give you pills and hey ho... you're all "better".
Today, I thought we were meeting at usual time outside halls and I walked out at our specific time and they walked off without me. I've ALWAYS waited for them... ALWAYS. They always plan to do something without me.
I do try and initiate conversations... sometimes it just goes downhill and gets rather awkward. I do want to stay friends with them since they're on my course and I don't want to feel alone like my previous secondary school years.
People who aren't in my course that I made in contact with have other friendship outside so it's kinda impossible to join them.
The worst thing is, I'm starting to lose interest of what I enjoy/like (not because of university btw). Do you think I should seek help?
She saw me walking in front of her and so did other people cos I said to them, "where are we sitting?" and Katie said, "anywhere".
Today, I thought we were meeting at usual time outside halls and I walked out at our specific time and they walked off without me. I've ALWAYS waited for them... ALWAYS. They always plan to do something without me.
I do try and initiate conversations... sometimes it just goes downhill and gets rather awkward. I do want to stay friends with them since they're on my course and I don't want to feel alone like my previous secondary school years.
People who aren't in my course that I made in contact with have other friendship outside so it's kinda impossible to join them.
The worst thing is, I'm starting to lose interest of what I enjoy/like (not because of university btw). Do you think I should seek help?
Original post by Vian
Some people just aren't perceptive when they're walking. I fail to notice friends and family all the time that way!
Some people just aren't perceptive when they're walking. I fail to notice friends and family all the time that way!
She saw me walking in front of her and so did other people cos I said to them, "where are we sitting?" and Katie said, "anywhere".
Original post by icup12
Where do I start?
When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.
This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!
I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...
Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.
Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.
This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!
I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...
Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.
Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
Cut ties with the b****s and make new friends.
First off, do you actually like the girl or are you just with her because there's no one else?
Your experience is standard uni experience. The girl became 'friends' with you before uni started for the same reasons as many others- she wanted to have a ready made friend so she didn't have to face uni alone, and face the daunting prospect of not making any friends. So even if she doesn't make any friends on her course, she has you at least. And I expect you are feeling quite similar, you don't really get on with her (how could you, she doesn't sound very nice) but she's a 'friend' and it's better than being alone?
It's not just you, this happens loads during freshers. People make 'friends' but they aren't friends, they're just people you cling to (so you haven't got to be alone) until you find people you actually click with. She's done that, in albeit, a more harsh way. I think it's a ****ty thing to do yeah, but what I'm trying to say is, it's not just you, it's not because of how you are, you just weren't meant to be friends.
You sound a hell of a lot better than her anyway. So you need to learn to NGAF, and to only want to be friends with people who actually add to your life, and make you happy. Because that's what you deserve, no less. So **** her, go out there and meet other friends, and join societies to find like minded people. Uni is a tough ride, and not the social experience half of us expect it to be, you've just got to be strong and persevere until you find people who make you feel happy.
Your experience is standard uni experience. The girl became 'friends' with you before uni started for the same reasons as many others- she wanted to have a ready made friend so she didn't have to face uni alone, and face the daunting prospect of not making any friends. So even if she doesn't make any friends on her course, she has you at least. And I expect you are feeling quite similar, you don't really get on with her (how could you, she doesn't sound very nice) but she's a 'friend' and it's better than being alone?
It's not just you, this happens loads during freshers. People make 'friends' but they aren't friends, they're just people you cling to (so you haven't got to be alone) until you find people you actually click with. She's done that, in albeit, a more harsh way. I think it's a ****ty thing to do yeah, but what I'm trying to say is, it's not just you, it's not because of how you are, you just weren't meant to be friends.
You sound a hell of a lot better than her anyway. So you need to learn to NGAF, and to only want to be friends with people who actually add to your life, and make you happy. Because that's what you deserve, no less. So **** her, go out there and meet other friends, and join societies to find like minded people. Uni is a tough ride, and not the social experience half of us expect it to be, you've just got to be strong and persevere until you find people who make you feel happy.
Original post by icup12
Uni will be fun they said... fun...
Uni will be fun they said... fun...
The hundreds of posts this time of year on these forums say otherwise.
I walk around in my own bubble half the time too, I've walked straight past family members in the street without realising.
As everyone said to "make new friends", I would suggest you that as well. But first, you got to teach her a lesson. Just ignore her for a week or two, i mean don't talk to her and wait if she calls you. If she does call you then she might have realised that she was unfair; if she doesn't then you should teach her a lesson.
We have our group of friendship in the course so Katie isn't my only friend.
I just find it weird how Katie decides to initiate meet ups without telling me? but she tells other people in our group - not me? Isn't it unfair though?. I thought that's what friends do? invite/tell them to walk together to class (especially doing the same course). I hate it when friends don't include you in something.... "friends"
I feel so stressed and I got 3 assignments and one test in November.
I'm not the type of person who ignores people and do mean things
I'm just a shy person trying hard to make friends. All my old school friends from secondary haven't kept in contact - besides one which I'm happy about.
P.s. writing how I feel on here REALLY helps >< sorry guys for venting out my frustration.
I just find it weird how Katie decides to initiate meet ups without telling me? but she tells other people in our group - not me? Isn't it unfair though?. I thought that's what friends do? invite/tell them to walk together to class (especially doing the same course). I hate it when friends don't include you in something.... "friends"
I feel so stressed and I got 3 assignments and one test in November.
I'm not the type of person who ignores people and do mean things
I'm just a shy person trying hard to make friends. All my old school friends from secondary haven't kept in contact - besides one which I'm happy about. P.s. writing how I feel on here REALLY helps >< sorry guys for venting out my frustration.
Tell them to move along.
Original post by icup12
We have our group of friendship in the course so Katie isn't my only friend.
I just find it weird how Katie decides to initiate meet ups without telling me? but she tells other people in our group - not me? Isn't it unfair though?. I thought that's what friends do? invite/tell them to walk together to class (especially doing the same course). I hate it when friends don't include you in something.... "friends"
I feel so stressed and I got 3 assignments and one test in November.
I'm not the type of person who ignores people and do mean things I'm just a shy person trying hard to make friends. All my old school friends from secondary haven't kept in contact - besides one which I'm happy about.
P.s. writing how I feel on here REALLY helps >< sorry guys for venting out my frustration.
I just find it weird how Katie decides to initiate meet ups without telling me? but she tells other people in our group - not me? Isn't it unfair though?. I thought that's what friends do? invite/tell them to walk together to class (especially doing the same course). I hate it when friends don't include you in something.... "friends"
I feel so stressed and I got 3 assignments and one test in November.
I'm not the type of person who ignores people and do mean things
I'm just a shy person trying hard to make friends. All my old school friends from secondary haven't kept in contact - besides one which I'm happy about. P.s. writing how I feel on here REALLY helps >< sorry guys for venting out my frustration.
Sorry to hear what you're going through
Please don't get too hung up on this, focus on your studies too.Why not make friends in your flat/halls? (through hall events) or more on your course (join your course society and go to all socials, drinking or non drinking) and at uni in general (again, societies/clubs).
Join Facebook if you are not on already, add literally everyone you talk to, take a camera with you on nights out and start tagging people.. get people's numbers and text them to ask if they want to meet up etc.
This site is useful too
www.succeedsocially.com
Original post by jhumfy
Talk to some other people, seems like these girls have got a little clique going on, don't hang around with them if it makes you uncomfortable
Oh and just to repeat this - some people (esp. girls) are HORRIBLY cliquey and still act like at school in the first few weeks of uni, don't get hung up on it, its their problem
Make new friends ofc**** her right in the pussy
Original post by icup12
Where do I start?
When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.
This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group; we have our little friendship group in the course) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!
I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...
Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.
Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.
This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group; we have our little friendship group in the course) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!
I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...
Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.
Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
**** her do your own thing.. who really needs friends like that anyway... tbh I think people need to realise friendship is built on years of experiences with each other.. shes more of an acquaintance if anything.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm trying to get to know my group of "friends" but it's so hard. I'm trying so hard to keep the friendship. I just feel so crap and lonely.
Yesterday, Katie, Hannah and I was walking to our lecture and Katie turns to Hannah, "let's go library on this so-so date" and she didn't have the decency to include me? I was literally beside them... am I invisible or something? I felt like crying on that day.
So I made new friends and I went out with them on this party event and I managed to bump into Katie and her friend and her friend's boyfriend. She comes over to me and says, "let me hang around with you, I don't want to be a third wheel/awkward around them" - SERIOUSLY!?!?!!??!? now you want to talk to me...
Yesterday, Katie, Hannah and I was walking to our lecture and Katie turns to Hannah, "let's go library on this so-so date" and she didn't have the decency to include me?
I was literally beside them... am I invisible or something? I felt like crying on that day.So I made new friends and I went out with them on this party event and I managed to bump into Katie and her friend and her friend's boyfriend. She comes over to me and says, "let me hang around with you, I don't want to be a third wheel/awkward around them" - SERIOUSLY!?!?!!??!? now you want to talk to me...
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- No Friends at Uni - International Student
- I have no friends at uni
- I have no friends at uni and don't wanna go back
- hard to maintain uni friendships
- Have no friends at uni
- Making friends at university.
- Trouble finding friends at uni
- Friends at uni
- How do I meet new people?
- boredom at university
- Loneliness at uni
- Scared to start uni in September 2024
- Third year and don’t really have any friends
- Making friends at uni
- Living at home during uni
- lonely at uni
- Stressed
- Uni guidance
- sad at uni
- Freshers party, should I go?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Got a third in my second year and the highest I’ve achieved in third year was 55%Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Got a third in my second year and the highest I’ve achieved in third year was 55%
