Cheated on my boyfriend. Feel awful. Should I tell him?

OP

Original post by Anonymous

So I was at my mate's party and this guy I used to crush on was there too. My boyfriend was out of town and wasn't at the party. I started talking to the guy and we'd been both drinking a bit and well, I ended up sucking his d*** and he gave me oral as well. We did have sex.

I feel really awful about the whole thing. It was such a dumb thing to do. I love my boyfriend and would hate to hurt him. He came back home yesterday and I've just been carrying on as normal but I feel immensely guilty. Deep down I know that he deserves to know and have the chance to forgive or reject me but I don't want to lose him. Can I just put this behind me and carry on with our relationship?

Meant to say we didn't have sex

Tell him. Hiding it is dishonest. Yes, it will hurt him; but you wouldn't be protecting him by hiding it - you'd only be protecting yourself.

Reply 3

Malama08

6

Original post by Anonymous

Meant to say we didn't have sex

Tell him. whatever happens, at least you're honest with yourself

Reply 4

nightisdark

Original post by Anonymous

Meant to say we didn't have sex

Oral is a form of sex. Tell him. It’s the only thing you can do — keeping it risks him finding out from someone else, the consequence of which would be much worse.

Reply 5

Toki the Dumdum

18

Tell him. You would want to know if he's cheated on you.

Reply 6

squeakysquirrel

20

Original post by Anonymous

So I was at my mate's party and this guy I used to crush on was there too. My boyfriend was out of town and wasn't at the party. I started talking to the guy and we'd been both drinking a bit and well, I ended up sucking his d*** and he gave me oral as well. We did have sex.

I feel really awful about the whole thing. It was such a dumb thing to do. I love my boyfriend and would hate to hurt him. He came back home yesterday and I've just been carrying on as normal but I feel immensely guilty. Deep down I know that he deserves to know and have the chance to forgive or reject me but I don't want to lose him. Can I just put this behind me and carry on with our relationship?

Done it once. You will do it again. How would you feel if your boyfriend did that to you.

Yes you must tell him and if he tells you how disgusted he is, then you have only yourself to blame.

Reply 7

Faith-akin

3

TELL HIM BECAUSE IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY ROUND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU WOULD BE FURIOUS. :mad:

Original post by Anonymous

So I was at my mate's party and this guy I used to crush on was there too. My boyfriend was out of town and wasn't at the party. I started talking to the guy and we'd been both drinking a bit and well, I ended up sucking his d*** and he gave me oral as well. We did have sex.

I feel really awful about the whole thing. It was such a dumb thing to do. I love my boyfriend and would hate to hurt him. He came back home yesterday and I've just been carrying on as normal but I feel immensely guilty. Deep down I know that he deserves to know and have the chance to forgive or reject me but I don't want to lose him. Can I just put this behind me and carry on with our relationship?

Reply 8

yeah, I know why you posted this, because you aren't sure what to think or do, but say it face to face to him, not through a call, or a text, or a note, just tell him "can I admit something to you?" saying it will make you feel a lot better, even though you still f*cked another guy, you will be able to say it to his face, and what he does next is up to him, but at least you have been honest, and if he finds out through another person, it will be a whole lot worse, so say it face to face to him, and tell him EVERYTHING that happened (don't go into details of what it's like, obviously) and maybe he'll forgive you, because you were honest, but he will never forgive you if you never told him and he found out another way.

if he truly loves you, and you explain it like you did here, then he might forgive you, although him just wanting to go back to being friends is understandable, but at least you did the right thing, and that's all that matters.

Reply 9

Alex Z

11

smh, how? u r a T h o T t

Reply 10

don't, she said she felt bad, so not really a thot, and under the influence of alcohol, she wouldn't have been thinking straight.

Original post by Alex Z

smh, how? u r a T h o T t

Reply 11

OP

Hmm so everyone thinks I should tell him. I guess I really should do it. I'd want him to do the same if he ever cheats on me. But the thought of losing him is unbearable. But I guess that's his choice to make, not mine

Reply 12

OP

Thanks. I will do it face to face. Was considering calling him but I guess that's just me being cowardly. And thanks for sticking up for me when that guy called me a thot. I'm not.

Original post by 15nfulfsa

yeah, I know why you posted this, because you aren't sure what to think or do, but say it face to face to him, not through a call, or a text, or a note, just tell him "can I admit something to you?" saying it will make you feel a lot better, even though you still f*cked another guy, you will be able to say it to his face, and what he does next is up to him, but at least you have been honest, and if he finds out through another person, it will be a whole lot worse, so say it face to face to him, and tell him EVERYTHING that happened (don't go into details of what it's like, obviously) and maybe he'll forgive you, because you were honest, but he will never forgive you if you never told him and he found out another way.

if he truly loves you, and you explain it like you did here, then he might forgive you, although him just wanting to go back to being friends is understandable, but at least you did the right thing, and that's all that matters.

Reply 13

yeah, its the right thing to do, even if it doesn't feel like it to you, you have to think about his feelings as well, like, he is just as much a human as you, if you know what I mean?

Original post by Anonymous

Hmm so everyone thinks I should tell him. I guess I really should do it. I'd want him to do the same if he ever cheats on me. But the thought of losing him is unbearable. But I guess that's his choice to make, not mine

Reply 14

generallee

16

Not everyone.

I don't think you should. Here's why...

Telling him will load all your guilt onto him. It will be a terrible thing, something he will remember for the rest of his life. It will scar him.

You will feel better at his expense. How can you do that? What does it achieve from his point of view. You betrayed him once, but it is done, you can't turn the clock back.

But don't make everything ten time worse for your own selfish reasons. That would be vile and unforgivable.

Reply 15

stfu what are you on about? their relationship would be a lie because she cheated on him

Original post by generallee

Not everyone.

I don't think you should. Here's why...

Telling him will load all your guilt onto him. It will be a terrible thing, something he will remember for the rest of his life. It will scar him.

You will feel better at his expense. How can you do that? What does it achieve from his point of view. You betrayed him once, but it is done, you can't turn the clock back.

But don't make everything ten time worse for your own selfish reasons. That would be vile and unforgivable.

Reply 16

generallee

16

Original post by 15nfulfsa

stfu what are you on about? their relationship would be a lie because she cheated on him

No you stfu.

I gave my opinion, and the fact that you don't agree with it is is not my problem.

Reply 17

so you are prepared to look at your boyfriend each day, and whenever he mentions sex, you feel guilty, and it will drag you into depression, because trust me, biig secrets can do that to you, instead of opening up and telling him what you have done. good to know your priorities are straight.

Original post by generallee

No you stfu.

I gave my opinion, and the fact that you don't agree with it is is not my problem.

Reply 18

OP

Do I want to tell him? No
But in all honesty I don't think I can live with him while keeping this a secret either. I feel absolutely disgusting. Considering just breaking up with him so he doesn't have to put up with an undeserving person like me but if he doesn't know he won't hate me/be disgusted.

Reply 19