Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’ve been trapped at home for almost 10 months just me and my dad. He was away commuting to work when I was growing up, I would see him half an hour a weekday at bedtime if I was lucky, and he just gamed on his phone at the weekend so I didn’t see him much.

Due to Covid he has been working from home on the only family computer in the only room that is for the family (small house problems) from 9-6 every day since March 2020. I am really close to my mum so it was okay when she was working from home and I was preparing for uni.

I had problems at uni and took a gap year and my mum had to go back to work so it’s been me and him every day for 10 months. My dad has not and will not be back at work probably full time ever, and will be WFH for like another year.

I can’t keep doing this. Is he a very ignorant person, won’t give answers to any question you ask even if it’s just ‘do you want me to buy you lunch’. He has constant work calls even when he’s finished work he does them anyways though they’re not urgent and his company told him not to take them he still does so I have to stop whatever I’m doing to not make a noise. If I even breathe too loud he will shout at me. When is isn’t on a work call he is talking to himself and doesn’t ever take a lunch break or leave the house so I don’t get a break unless I go out.

I’m living in my room and the local high street to get away. If he does talk to me it’s always rude and angry, like he doesn’t even like me. I don’t think he does. And I don’t like him. He doesn’t do anything so I have to do the house chores for myself and him and I often can’t get it all done so then my mum gets depressed as she feels like she has to do everything and I don’t want her to feel this way.

He’s inappropriate and rude in public too, and at home lifts his shirt up to rub his stomach at random times, doesn’t wear underwear and wears baggy hole ridden clothes so I’m often seeing his buttcrack when he bends over. He will make messes around the house then deny making them so I have to clean them up or get in trouble. It’s like he’s unable to do anything or say anything nice to me. My mum is mad at him sometimes but they get on well.

I feel like things are harder when I’m around. Being around my dad makes me want to self harm and even die, but I love my mum so much and if she sees I’ve hurt myself she gets upset and I don’t like making her upset. I go to uni soon but she wants me to visit like every other week and even that feels like too much being around him. They get on well when I’m not around and I wonder if I’m the problem. If I make this bad situation and if they’d be happier if I went to uni and never came home. I’m going crazy and want to die and I don’t know what to do and I have no one in my life to tell this to. I don’t even know if this post makes sense, I just need advice.
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RazzzBerries
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#2
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It sounds like your dad has caused some feelings of resentment, and I think the best course of action is to write up how you feel and have a conversation with him after 6. Maybe even move his gaming devices if it's a must. Use 'I' and 'me' to describe how you've been feeling so he doesn't think you're blaming him and get argumentative as a result.
If he doesn't listen and is a lost cause, ask your mum to meet you halfway when you get to uni. You don't need to put yourself in positions where you see him post 18.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RazzzBerries)
It sounds like your dad has caused some feelings of resentment, and I think the best course of action is to write up how you feel and have a conversation with him after 6. Maybe even move his gaming devices if it's a must. Use 'I' and 'me' to describe how you've been feeling so he doesn't think you're blaming him and get argumentative as a result.
If he doesn't listen and is a lost cause, ask your mum to meet you halfway when you get to uni. You don't need to put yourself in positions where you see him post 18.
Thank you so much for your quick reply.

I don’t think that he’d listen and would just think that I’m attacking him. If it doesn’t involve his job (which is making games) or playing them, then he really doesn’t care. My Mum would just get mad at me too, if I need to ask him to stop something I always have to go through her as he just won’t listen to me.

If I ask him to do something he ignores me, if she asks him then he’ll do it if it’s like hoover up, but if it’s something important then he still doesn’t do it, such as reseal a sink to stop mould build up.
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RazzzBerries
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for your quick reply.

I don’t think that he’d listen and would just think that I’m attacking him. If it doesn’t involve his job (which is making games) or playing them, then he really doesn’t care. My Mum would just get mad at me too, if I need to ask him to stop something I always have to go through her as he just won’t listen to me.

If I ask him to do something he ignores me, if she asks him then he’ll do it if it’s like hoover up, but if it’s something important then he still doesn’t do it, such as reseal a sink to stop mould build up.
You're welcome, I'm sorry to hear about your situation :hugs:

How about writing a letter? That way you don't have to talk about it with him? If he ignores you as you say he does, then that's on him because he missed the opportunity to make amends.

Write the letter and then distance yourself. He sounds horrible for not being able to answer his own child :facepalm:
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Ciel.
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me too, **** my dad
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ciel.)
me too, **** my dad
What did you do to make the situation better?
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What did you do to make the situation better?
moved out, people like that don't change
when i still lived at home i would usually try my best to ignore him by spending most of the time in my bedroom
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Anonymous #2
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I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, you know i had may similarities with my own dad so I feel for you in many ways.

It doesn't sound like you're the problem, he doesn't seem to treat you well or even give you care or attention. You have affection for your mum so i can't say you're a unloving child. If they get along well it's because they have their own relationship. i'm not sure how he treats her. my dad is not nice and my parents argue a lot, when they do get along it's because she is submissive and doesn't argue and just lets him talk or control stuff or whatever he wants to do. I cannot let him treat me badly anymore so he dislikes me, and ignores me a lot or just shouts and says nasty things about me.

It seems like counseling would be helpful for you have you considered that? Or talking to the Samaritans hotline it is totally confidential.
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Anonymous #2
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The truth is because it is a deep problem with him, you will be happier if you move out soon and can have your own space but maintain a nice relationship with your mum. You need to move on with these negative feelings in your own time and without being triggered, going to your GP for support would help with that since you say you have nobody to tell this to. If your dad is there all the time you don't have space to recover or change and will keep going in cycles with these feelings, unable to escape. but you deserve a better life. I had to stop expecting anything from my father anymore to avoid pain and disappointment.

Also your mum cannot rely on you forever to be fair so you shouldn't feel guilty about finding your independence. it sounds essential for you. It sounds like you do a lot anyway.
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