About to walk out of my job
I'm about to text my manager and tell him I won't be in on Monday because I quit.
It's a job at a professional accounting firm.
But I want to do a sense check first.
A young (22 Y/O) colleague made a complaint to management because I once turned around to her and said something to the effect of "And how's young Anne today?". I'm 10 years her senior.
It wasn't meant to be condescending, but she claims that I was being condescending to her by referring to her as "young".
I apologised to her immediately upon learning that she took what I said in that way, but she still made a complaint to management and it has been brought up a total of 4 times in separate meetings at this point.
I'm sorry, but I'm not made for this petty workplace politics.
The question is this: Is this really as petty as I think it is, or at 34 am I just an old dinosaur who needs to understand that younger people are offended by things that I wouldn't be offended by?
Thanks.
It's a job at a professional accounting firm.
But I want to do a sense check first.
A young (22 Y/O) colleague made a complaint to management because I once turned around to her and said something to the effect of "And how's young Anne today?". I'm 10 years her senior.
It wasn't meant to be condescending, but she claims that I was being condescending to her by referring to her as "young".
I apologised to her immediately upon learning that she took what I said in that way, but she still made a complaint to management and it has been brought up a total of 4 times in separate meetings at this point.
I'm sorry, but I'm not made for this petty workplace politics.
The question is this: Is this really as petty as I think it is, or at 34 am I just an old dinosaur who needs to understand that younger people are offended by things that I wouldn't be offended by?
Thanks.
Scroll to see replies
I can understand how it upset her, it was condescending and all workers should be addressed equally in the workplace regardless of age, sexuality, etc etc. But as gjd800 also said, a line should be drawn under the matter and not replayed constantly.
Quitting on the spot is not a good idea, it will reflect very badly on your character and is also breach of contract assuming you have the standard four week notice period (or one week if on probation)? Have you considered the references you’ll need for your next job? If you otherwise like your job, I would continue and take the matter up with HR if it continues to be referenced in meetings. Otherwise if you really cannot continue, at least work your contracted notice period.
Quitting on the spot is not a good idea, it will reflect very badly on your character and is also breach of contract assuming you have the standard four week notice period (or one week if on probation)? Have you considered the references you’ll need for your next job? If you otherwise like your job, I would continue and take the matter up with HR if it continues to be referenced in meetings. Otherwise if you really cannot continue, at least work your contracted notice period.
(edited 9 months ago)
Original post by mathperson
I'm about to text my manager and tell him I won't be in on Monday because I quit.
It's a job at a professional accounting firm.
But I want to do a sense check first.
A young (22 Y/O) colleague made a complaint to management because I once turned around to her and said something to the effect of "And how's young Anne today?". I'm 10 years her senior.
It wasn't meant to be condescending, but she claims that I was being condescending to her by referring to her as "young".
I apologised to her immediately upon learning that she took what I said in that way, but she still made a complaint to management and it has been brought up a total of 4 times in separate meetings at this point.
I'm sorry, but I'm not made for this petty workplace politics.
The question is this: Is this really as petty as I think it is, or at 34 am I just an old dinosaur who needs to understand that younger people are offended by things that I wouldn't be offended by?
Thanks.
It's a job at a professional accounting firm.
But I want to do a sense check first.
A young (22 Y/O) colleague made a complaint to management because I once turned around to her and said something to the effect of "And how's young Anne today?". I'm 10 years her senior.
It wasn't meant to be condescending, but she claims that I was being condescending to her by referring to her as "young".
I apologised to her immediately upon learning that she took what I said in that way, but she still made a complaint to management and it has been brought up a total of 4 times in separate meetings at this point.
I'm sorry, but I'm not made for this petty workplace politics.
The question is this: Is this really as petty as I think it is, or at 34 am I just an old dinosaur who needs to understand that younger people are offended by things that I wouldn't be offended by?
Thanks.
Was your apology genuine, or was it more along the lines of “I’m sorry if what I said offended you” which is not an apology at all, as you would be putting the onus on her behaviour, rather than actually regretting what you said.
A genuine apology should hopefully resolve the matter. I don’t think leaving is a good idea, unless you already have something better to move to.
Original post by lalexm
Was your apology genuine, or was it more along the lines of “I’m sorry if what I said offended you” which is not an apology at all, as you would be putting the onus on her behaviour, rather than actually regretting what you said.
A genuine apology should hopefully resolve the matter. I don’t think leaving is a good idea, unless you already have something better to move to.
A genuine apology should hopefully resolve the matter. I don’t think leaving is a good idea, unless you already have something better to move to.
Yes, genuine apology as I didn't mean to offend.
Original post by mathperson
Yes, genuine apology as I didn't mean to offend.
Sorry to be picky, but I know you did not mean to offend, I don’t doubt that, but I was wondering if you have apologies for being condescending, and not for offending her, if that makes sense.
Personally, I don't think it's bad what you said. It's all part of office talk and getting to know people's personalities? You did the right thing - upon learning she took offense, you apologised, and you know you'll not be able to be your usual friendly self around her in the future; just to be sterile and functional instead.
I think it says more about her making a complaint after you apologised. I think it's absolutely ridiculous her progressing this perceived horrendous experience.
What I would do is remain professional. If it escalates to HR, then just be factual - you were trying to be friendly rather than condescending. When you heard it was taken as such, you apologised at the earliest opportunity and learned that not everyone appreciates being spoken to with that familiarity. You've done everything right. It's just a shame that this escalated because I really don't think it needed to.
I think it says more about her making a complaint after you apologised. I think it's absolutely ridiculous her progressing this perceived horrendous experience.
What I would do is remain professional. If it escalates to HR, then just be factual - you were trying to be friendly rather than condescending. When you heard it was taken as such, you apologised at the earliest opportunity and learned that not everyone appreciates being spoken to with that familiarity. You've done everything right. It's just a shame that this escalated because I really don't think it needed to.
(edited 9 months ago)
Honestly that comment can easily come across as condescending. Having said that I get called worse on a daily basis at work (I work in a small company and have also worked in a factory).
I think you kind of have to read the room and in these larger corporate companies you have to be really careful about things that you say and what can be considered banter or blur the lines into something that would warrant a complaint.
I wouldn't resign on the spot it would make it difficult to get references in the future and other companies may ask why you left so suddenly. If you really want to leave then right a formal letter and put in your usual two weeks notice.
I think you kind of have to read the room and in these larger corporate companies you have to be really careful about things that you say and what can be considered banter or blur the lines into something that would warrant a complaint.
I wouldn't resign on the spot it would make it difficult to get references in the future and other companies may ask why you left so suddenly. If you really want to leave then right a formal letter and put in your usual two weeks notice.
Thanks for all of your replies guys.
To be clear, I had no issue apologising. The issue I have is:
1. A complaint to management was made after I apologised.
2. The main thing is that I've now had to relive this "crime against humanity" 4 times, in every meeting since.
To be clear, I had no issue apologising. The issue I have is:
1. A complaint to management was made after I apologised.
2. The main thing is that I've now had to relive this "crime against humanity" 4 times, in every meeting since.
Original post by mathperson
I'm about to text my manager and tell him I won't be in on Monday because I quit.
It's a job at a professional accounting firm.
But I want to do a sense check first.
A young (22 Y/O) colleague made a complaint to management because I once turned around to her and said something to the effect of "And how's young Anne today?". I'm 10 years her senior.
It wasn't meant to be condescending, but she claims that I was being condescending to her by referring to her as "young".
I apologised to her immediately upon learning that she took what I said in that way, but she still made a complaint to management and it has been brought up a total of 4 times in separate meetings at this point.
I'm sorry, but I'm not made for this petty workplace politics.
The question is this: Is this really as petty as I think it is, or at 34 am I just an old dinosaur who needs to understand that younger people are offended by things that I wouldn't be offended by?
Thanks.
It's a job at a professional accounting firm.
But I want to do a sense check first.
A young (22 Y/O) colleague made a complaint to management because I once turned around to her and said something to the effect of "And how's young Anne today?". I'm 10 years her senior.
It wasn't meant to be condescending, but she claims that I was being condescending to her by referring to her as "young".
I apologised to her immediately upon learning that she took what I said in that way, but she still made a complaint to management and it has been brought up a total of 4 times in separate meetings at this point.
I'm sorry, but I'm not made for this petty workplace politics.
The question is this: Is this really as petty as I think it is, or at 34 am I just an old dinosaur who needs to understand that younger people are offended by things that I wouldn't be offended by?
Thanks.
I can understand why it might have been taken as condensing. But if you have genuinely apologised, then i personally think that she is taking it a bit far by making complaints. It was a genuine mistake which you have apologised for. I don't think it should keep being brought up at meetings after the event either.
I wouldnt resign on the spot. It might look bad on you. And you havent got another job to go to. You might also need this job as a reference, and future jobs might also ask why you left so suddenly. If you really want to leave, at least look for another job first. And when you have another job to go to then give the required notice at this job.
If it does go as far as HR, then keep to the facts. You made the comment not realising that she wouldnt like it. Upon finding out that she found it condensing you apologised at the earliest opportunity. And as far as you were aware that is the end of the matter. But you do not appreciate it constantly being unnecessarily brought up at meetings after the event.
Original post by ajj2000
What job do you do in the big 4 and what would you do were you to leave?
It's not a 'big 4' firm. I would never work for the big 4 sausage factories.
Original post by mathperson
Thanks for all of your replies guys.
To be clear, I had no issue apologising. The issue I have is:
1. A complaint to management was made after I apologised.
2. The main thing is that I've now had to relive this "crime against humanity" 4 times, in every meeting since.
To be clear, I had no issue apologising. The issue I have is:
1. A complaint to management was made after I apologised.
2. The main thing is that I've now had to relive this "crime against humanity" 4 times, in every meeting since.
Don't act in the heat of the moment. It doesn't matter how unfair/unreasonable the action was, the response was, the after effects are, or what your opinion is - by flouncing out you are hurting no-one but yourself. You are making yourself unemployed, in a difficult market, leaving in a bad atmosphere, with possible impact on a reference. What credible excuse are you going to give the next employer for leaving the role with another job togo to? Because any hint of this story will make you unappealing at best, unemployable at worst.
Don’t walk out. It will blow over and tbh she should have just said something to you straight away rather than complaining to management in the way she did. It all just seems petty. Saying that I no longer live or work in the UK and each time I do come back or have anything to do with the Anglo Saxon work environment I am astounded by how PC everything has become. I get the impression that everyone walks on egg shells scared to do or say anything that might offend one group or another. People have become cardboard cut outs devoid of character or individuality.
I once worked as the only female on an all male site as a student. I got called all kinds of things as part of the everyday banter. It’s what made a boring day more bearable and developed a feeling of belonging. Sometimes it was half pint, lassie or young’un. It was never nasty or ill intentioned and was on many occasions probably because they couldn’t remember my name.
Don’t resign. In a while it’ll be forgotten , but in future know that your office doesn’t tolerate familiarity or banter.
I once worked as the only female on an all male site as a student. I got called all kinds of things as part of the everyday banter. It’s what made a boring day more bearable and developed a feeling of belonging. Sometimes it was half pint, lassie or young’un. It was never nasty or ill intentioned and was on many occasions probably because they couldn’t remember my name.
Don’t resign. In a while it’ll be forgotten , but in future know that your office doesn’t tolerate familiarity or banter.
(edited 9 months ago)
Original post by threeportdrift
Don't act in the heat of the moment. It doesn't matter how unfair/unreasonable the action was, the response was, the after effects are, or what your opinion is - by flouncing out you are hurting no-one but yourself. You are making yourself unemployed, in a difficult market, leaving in a bad atmosphere, with possible impact on a reference. What credible excuse are you going to give the next employer for leaving the role with another job togo to? Because any hint of this story will make you unappealing at best, unemployable at worst.
Strongly agree.
It's a bit of office banter that has gone awry. If you know people well enough then a bit of ribbing like this is commonplace, but you do need to know where you stand with them. Rather than focusing on whether the other person should have taken offence, it's better to take onboard that they did and move on. If the business/line managers have dragged it out unreasonably then that is another matter.
I’d quit , I’ve heard of people being fired for less. Welcome to the real job world . Where most people have the emotional intelligence of a 2 year old.
Original post by Micromanager
I’d quit , I’ve heard of people being fired for less. Welcome to the real job world . Where most people have the emotional intelligence of a 2 year old.
And so every time things don’t go your way you have a temper tantrum and walk out? You’re right !! A very mature and constructive attitude……not.
I can see how it might be taken the wrong way. It wouldn't offend me and there is no way I would complain but then I work in a (sometimes) bantering team and not all environments are like that. Also, for me to complain, it would need to be more serious than a condescending remark. I suppose it is a lesson learned for you.
If you apologised that is all you can do.
Why do you want to walk out?
Is it because you are totally fed up with the fact she complained and it is dragging on?
Or because you feel that they are trying to push you out?
Either way, as above, you need to protect your position. I would apply for other jobs asap and remain polite and professional. Try and stay there until you get something else. It may blow over.
If you apologised that is all you can do.
Why do you want to walk out?
Is it because you are totally fed up with the fact she complained and it is dragging on?
Or because you feel that they are trying to push you out?
Either way, as above, you need to protect your position. I would apply for other jobs asap and remain polite and professional. Try and stay there until you get something else. It may blow over.
(edited 9 months ago)
Original post by mathperson
Thanks for all of your replies guys.
To be clear, I had no issue apologising. The issue I have is:
1. A complaint to management was made after I apologised.
2. The main thing is that I've now had to relive this "crime against humanity" 4 times, in every meeting since.
To be clear, I had no issue apologising. The issue I have is:
1. A complaint to management was made after I apologised.
2. The main thing is that I've now had to relive this "crime against humanity" 4 times, in every meeting since.
What advice did your union give?
Was the complaint resolved? If so then I'd complain about this being repeatedly replayed - if its dealt with that should be that.
Don't walk out but think about lokking for another job.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- If you drop out of an apprenticeship before you even start and not have anything else
- What did you compromise as part of your job?
- What should I do?
- Jobs for 14 year olds
- Bangor Accommodation
- Feeling low with a 2:2
- Looking for a job.
- Glass Collecting Interview
- What do I do?
- Job advise
- Graduate Job with long hours and commute
- Maintenance loan not covering rent? & Budgeting help
- a university graduate and normal shop jobs
- Girl cries after first day of work "How do you have time for your life?"
- My confidence is crumbling because I look 10 years younger than I am :(
- TSR Goes Green: What stops you accessing nature?
- University - Plymouth or Exeter (Penryn)?
- Feeling bad for my mum… :(
- first job went literally horrible lol? rant?
- Online courses
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Master dissertation resit impacting Visa and Career PlansPosted 1 month ago
New Enrolment for M Public Policy afraid of post study work situationLast reply 1 month ago
Can I accept two offers with different start dates?Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Master dissertation resit impacting Visa and Career PlansPosted 1 month ago
New Enrolment for M Public Policy afraid of post study work situationLast reply 1 month ago
Can I accept two offers with different start dates?
