I always stop fancying a guy after I get with them?

Ok so I've liked this guy I work with for the past 4 weeks, been thinking about him loads, looking forward to every time I see him. Then impulsively on Friday I kissed him and we went back to his. We had a really good time and I stayed for a while the next day and it was great. But now it's the day after and it's like I don't like him anymore.

I used to be like this as a fresher at uni as well, until I got with my (now ex) boyfriend and we were together for 3 years.

I'm confused about what to do? Or why I feel this way?

Maybe you're only attracted physically, not emotionally

You see, what happens is this: when things get beyond the initial phase of attraction and you sleep together or whatever, you lose interest because it turns into a case of "been there, done that".

Relationships are a waste of time for this reason.

This used to happen to me. But then I have major 'daddy issues'... let's not get into that.

You like the thrill of the chase.

This used to happen to me. But then I have major 'daddy issues'... let's not get into that.

You can call me da... nvm

Which was fine at uni but not really in the environment I'm working now. Am I just doomed? Should I hide from this person from now on?

Which was fine at uni but not really in the environment I'm working now. Am I just doomed? Should I hide from this person from now on?


I have no issues with my parents.

Oh no, don't worry, I wasn't trying to imply that you have any daddy issues. I meant to say that I went through a similar phase that lasted several years but I figured out what might have caused it, not that I think that applies to you. We just went through a similar thing is all.

Oh that's classic. The chase is better than the catch. There's nothing special about these men that you're going for, the thrill is only in the chase.

I'm thinking it might be a defense mechanism of some sort, was it for you? And did you get over it? And is there anything that helped?

You're actually spot on there. It was definitely a defense mechanism in my case. I think what helped was to take it slow with my current boyfriend and really learn to trust him. And to learn to trust myself with someone and allow myself to be vulnerable in that way. I think before I just could never allow myself to completely let go with a guy because I feared it would lead to severe heartbreak that I'd never get over. It's still been very difficult with Thomas because I'm very insecure in relationships. Sometimes I still have trouble accepting the fact that my boyfriend genuinely cares about me and has no ulterior motives. I used to find it off-putting that they'd be so into me because it made me wary.

Sounds like maybe you are worried about commitment