Feel really lonely at university... haven't made good friends yet

Hi guys,

I'm from London and go to a university in the Midlands. I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety but I'm pretty sure I have it. Either that or I'm an extremely shy guy. Before going to uni I never went out clubbing. I don't like it. The loud terrible music, awkwardly dancing with people you haven't met before. Before I joined university I joined this group of people who preferred pubs to clubs. We went out on two occasions (freshers and the week after) but since then they've just gone off into their own friendship groups.
I don't even know if I'd class my flatmates as friends. I can occasionally talk to them but I'll spend most of the time (in fact, unless they're playing a game, all day) in my bedroom. They invite me out to clubbing but, as I said before, I don't really like clubbing. I'm living with them next year but I'm not sure I actually want to. One of the guys is extremely immature and just shows off in front of the others.
I also have a couple of friends/acquaintances on my course, but they only sit next to me in one of our four modules as that one module has less people in it and they have friends that are in the other three. We never organise to go out with each other either, they just don't seem interested in interacting with me outside of lectures.
I'm not in any societies as I feel like it's too late to join them. If I join now, people would have already made their friendship groups and therefore I feel they won't let me in. Also, it took a lot of courage but I myself actually set up a society. However, as it was made quite late on in the year we're not getting any members, and I feel like giving it all up. It's also a lot of effort, and I'm extremely lazy.
I'd describe myself as an introvert. However, I don't like spending every single night in my bed watching YouTube videos or Netflix. I want to get out there and make friends. I get jealous when I walk around campus on my own and see groups of friends having a laugh. People have even already started organising holidays with each other which is something I would have loved to do if I had made good friends here.
Also, there's a Level 1 FA Coaching Course I was interested in doing in which I can meet people with similar interests to me (football), but it costs around £150 and it puts me off that I don't know anyone else doing the course.

Sorry for the long essay, but do you guys have any tips of how to make friends for a guy with social anxiety? I hate lying to my family saying I've made great friends here because I really haven't...

Reply 1

randdom

20

Original post by Anonymous

Hi guys,

I'm from London and go to a university in the Midlands. I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety but I'm pretty sure I have it. Either that or I'm an extremely shy guy. Before going to uni I never went out clubbing. I don't like it. The loud terrible music, awkwardly dancing with people you haven't met before. Before I joined university I joined this group of people who preferred pubs to clubs. We went out on two occasions (freshers and the week after) but since then they've just gone off into their own friendship groups.
I don't even know if I'd class my flatmates as friends. I can occasionally talk to them but I'll spend most of the time (in fact, unless they're playing a game, all day) in my bedroom. They invite me out to clubbing but, as I said before, I don't really like clubbing. I'm living with them next year but I'm not sure I actually want to. One of the guys is extremely immature and just shows off in front of the others.
I also have a couple of friends/acquaintances on my course, but they only sit next to me in one of our four modules as that one module has less people in it and they have friends that are in the other three. We never organise to go out with each other either, they just don't seem interested in interacting with me outside of lectures.
I'm not in any societies as I feel like it's too late to join them. If I join now, people would have already made their friendship groups and therefore I feel they won't let me in. Also, it took a lot of courage but I myself actually set up a society. However, as it was made quite late on in the year we're not getting any members, and I feel like giving it all up. It's also a lot of effort, and I'm extremely lazy.
I'd describe myself as an introvert. However, I don't like spending every single night in my bed watching YouTube videos or Netflix. I want to get out there and make friends. I get jealous when I walk around campus on my own and see groups of friends having a laugh. People have even already started organising holidays with each other which is something I would have loved to do if I had made good friends here.
Also, there's a Level 1 FA Coaching Course I was interested in doing in which I can meet people with similar interests to me (football), but it costs around £150 and it puts me off that I don't know anyone else doing the course.

Sorry for the long essay, but do you guys have any tips of how to make friends for a guy with social anxiety? I hate lying to my family saying I've made great friends here because I really haven't...

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time starting uni. I know that it can seem like everyone else has it sorted but there are so many people who are feeling exactly like you. I don't think that it is too late to join societies, they tend to be a really good way to meet people who have similar interests. Have you had a look at the societies that are available at your uni and have a think about whether there is something that you could do. The other suggestion is building on what you already have. If you don't like going out clubbing then invite your flatmates and the people you know from your course to do something that you do enjoy. Suggestions could be having a film night at your flat or maybe finding a local pub quiz or something. Getting to know you better will help you meet new people as they will introduce you to their friends and etc.

I know it is hard but keep trying!

Reply 2

LRoe

hey,
sorry to hear what you are going through, i can relate as i am in my second year at university being diagnosed from social anxiety and on medication for it. it's hard to make friends at university, even if you do go out, i like going out for a dance but not in pubs personally because then i have to make conversation but when you're in a (not so crowded) club and you are drunk and just dancing i find it okay (i only go out to dance, and drinking helps me feel more comfortable doing it) but i haven't really made any friends, just people i say hi to or see in my class every now and then, society's don't help much for me either but its never to late to join one! i would think football is a good one to do, if you are confident in it :smile:

maybe seeing the doctor about how you feel may help as medication can improve a bit on how you are coping and seeing a counsellor to help you through it and practice talking is good with them.
good luck

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Is it too late to make course friends in third year, the only person I was friends with is going on a year abroad so I'm kinda screwed and feel like it'll be impossible to intergrate myself with anyone else.

Reply 4

username2079597

2

Original post by Anonymous

Is it too late to make course friends in third year, the only person I was friends with is going on a year abroad so I'm kinda screwed and feel like it'll be impossible to intergrate myself with anyone else.

How old are you? where are you from? i am sure there is no such thing as too late to make friends! i dont have social anxiety as i am very much out there! but I know for sure spending a lot of time in the bed room isn't the method to overcome it.

I am from indonesia and I find that it can get quite lonely living abroad by yourself :smile:

Lets meet up and maybe we can talk about it? I am happy to help if you need a friend.

Feel really lonely at university... haven't made good friends yet

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