How do I tell if my friend is gay

Hey so I have this friend and i think I might had a little crush on the but I get the feeling they might be gay as all the friends are girls and there voice make me think it , he is also really sweet and kind , I told some of my other friends and I asked them what they thought and they thought it too . He has had girlfriends and kissed them , how do I know , and is there men out there that do these things and aren’t gay

You're not going to know what someone's sexuality is unless they tell you. But they might not even know themselves or want to share that. They could be bisexual or another sexuality, it's not as black and white as people think. I tend to assume people can find any gender attractive, and just because they might not be attracted to one specific person it doesn't show or 'prove' their sexuality.

In short - try not to 'work out' someone's sexuality, let them tell you as it can be quite personal (don't force them to tell you). Share that you have a crush on them and see where it takes you

Ask him?

You're not going to know what someone's sexuality is unless they tell you. But they might not even know themselves or want to share that. They could be bisexual or another sexuality, it's not as black and white as people think. I tend to assume people can find any gender attractive, and just because they might not be attracted to one specific person it doesn't show or 'prove' their sexuality.

In short - try not to 'work out' someone's sexuality, let them tell you as it can be quite personal (don't force them to tell you). Share that you have a crush on them and see where it takes you

frrrr but like don't straight up be like are you gay... you'd have to find a way to say it without being too mean or offending them

frrrr but like don't straight up be like are you gay... you'd have to find a way to say it without being too mean or offending them

I mean there's nothing offensive about asking someone if they're gay. If someone is offended by that question then they'll be offended no matter how you ask because the very idea itself offends them.

Hey so I have this friend and i think I might had a little crush on the but I get the feeling they might be gay as all the friends are girls and there voice make me think it , he is also really sweet and kind , I told some of my other friends and I asked them what they thought and they thought it too . He has had girlfriends and kissed them , how do I know , and is there men out there that do these things and aren’t gay

If your gaydar is going off it might be a sign. Try asking him or any of his female friends, since they usually confide in women.


I know some guys that get really touchy af and what not. The fact he had gf's might mean he is either bisexual or testing different waters to see if he is gay or not. 60% sure he is probably bi, 30% sure he is gay and 10% sure he is metro.
Just make gay/homophobic jokes and watch for his reactions- results aren't conclusive, but a potential hint.

I highly recommend against this - this is not okay to say to anyone, never mind your own friend. It's actually often illegal and can be classed as a hate crime in accordance to the Equality Act 2010.

I guess it's a bit over the top thing to do. However it is just a joke, and it is unlikely have any legal repercussions for a one-time joke (or even mild-level of bullying). As long as there is no incitement to violence there should be no slippery slopes. I went to an All boys school, and I don;t think I went a day without hearing casual racism and homophobic stuff at school (and I still do if i take a school bus), so it's an issue that society deffo needs work on. Still not in favour of any attempts to criminalise speech based on it being offensive or rude to a certain group.

Sadly allowing these sort of comments 'normalises' this attitude and can often lead to violent attacks. Often verbal attacks can be just as bad as violence. A higher rate of racist and homophobic comments does not mean they are okay, if anything it shows us how far we have to go to tackling discrimination (as you said). Too late to be honest, hate speech is a criminal act.

More info:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbt-britain-hate-crime-and-discrimination
https://www.gov.uk/report-hate-crime

Potential trigger warning:

Okay, someones had too much safeguarding training

OP, as whats said above you have to let them be comfortable with who they are first and if you try to force it, it will probably backfire.

Just make gay/homophobic jokes and watch for his reactions- results aren't conclusive, but a potential hint.